He's Beautiful
by sasaengandfab
Summary: They had grown up in an orphanage without parents, all with wishes for their future careers. With Tomoe leaving to America with a man in search of love and with Kanako leaving to pursue a career in music, Souichi had never felt so lonely. But what happens when Kanako gets hurt and needs surgery and Souichi needs to take her place? Based on the drama Ikemen Desu Ne.
1. Part 1-1

**PART 1**

* * *

"And then after that, you divide this by 17, and you get the approximate temperature."

Little eyes admired their ever-so-intelligent tutor, Tatsumi Souichi. He had grown up in this small and close-minded orphanage, nobody having any idea where his parents were, and he was one of the oldest orphans still here. He and the other orphans were cared for day in and day out by miscellaneous middle-aged women, and they would follow an organized, hygienic and beneficial daily routine – waking up at 7:30, washing their laundry outside by the well, coming inside for a group breakfast, cleaning their rooms, spend the rest of their time studying and learning at the school, and at 10:30 every day they would walk together to the church across the street and pray. They would pray that somebody come and take them under their wing, that they be given a home to live in and a family to be loved by. Souichi had been praying for twenty and a half years now, but nothing had ever happened.

After praying, they would go back to the orphanage, clean the dishes and the kitchen, start preparing lunch, which would be served and eaten at 12:00. After lunch, they would wash the dishes and kitchen again, and they would have free time to either play or study between 1:00 and 4:00. After free time, they would prepare dinner and eat at 5:30, clean up afterwards, head to the washrooms to bathe and they were in bed by 10:00.

He had wanted to move out at the age of eighteen, but he didn't have nearly enough money to support himself alone. He managed to snag himself a job at the volunteer center a few blocks over as a tutor, earning him around three dollars an hour for each student. By the end of the week he would end up with almost seventy or eighty dollars, and he had kept nearly every cent he ever earned. The women at the orphanage thought that although this was very wise of him, it was a little selfish, and they made him pay them half of his wages every week so they could give the other orphans little spending money. He wanted to protest and say that it was his hard-earned money, but they had raised him to have a soft yet guarded heart. He had too much pride to embarrass himself that way.

Souichi had been alone ever since he could remember. He had two younger siblings - Tomoe, who was one year younger than him, and Kanako, who was two years younger than him - both of which had been in the orphanage, too. At eighteen, Tomoe had fallen in love with a man and willingly went to live with him in America, where they could marry legally. Souichi didn't exactly hate men, or gays for that matter, but growing up around nothing but women who took care of him, he felt like men must've been horrible creatures if they never appeared at the orphanage. At eighteen, Kanako had decided that she wanted to go into the music business, and started looking for music camps and university classes. Souichi wanted to support her and help her as much as he could, so he sent her away with every bit of money he owned. And that was that. Souichi was here, alone, with nowhere near enough money to get into college and become a science professor.

He didn't handle the abandonment well. He remembered losing weight, his hair falling out, all the other orphans sending him get well cards, and the episodes of crying and depression. He had tried a couple times to date some of the female orphans around his age range, but they never lasted. He was too adhesive with his family to be worried about anybody else, and when he found out that his sister had bought a cell phone, he almost never stopped talking to her. He wanted to make sure she was safe and that she was having fun. With her work, she usually couldn't talk over the phone, so Souichi had asked to use one of the Misses' phones so he could text his sister. They would let him borrow it whenever he wanted it.

"Ah, right, thank you, Souichi-sama!" Eleven-year-old Mika Yamamoto smiled up at her elder, causing him to blush slightly. Although Souichi was always polite and kind, he was the most bashful person that anyone had ever met. He loved to be surrounded by children like he was their adult figure, something that he never had as a child. He never personally knew his parents. His father was apparently a nationally-famous botanist, who was never home and was always in different countries doing experiments. Last Souichi had heard, his father had passed away a few years ago in northern Canada from starvation, but that didn't really bother him; he had always disliked men anyway.

His mother was never known. She had disappeared around twenty years ago, and nobody knew anything about her or her disappearance. She didn't have any friends, nor did she have any previous romantic partners besides her husband. Nobody knew if she was alive or deceased, nobody knew her name, nobody knew anything. The only thing that anybody knew was that she had supposedly wanted to be a singer, gave birth while in the middle of her career to her three children, and disappeared. Souichi couldn't help but feel a little bit of hate towards her, since she was the reason he was going through so much emotional distress lately. If she was still alive, then it was extremely selfish of her to just leave her children the way she did.

He did have an aunt, as well; Matsuda Kiero. She was a lovely old woman, and she had been around long enough for Souichi to remember her from his childhood. Something had happened when he was very young, and she had gotten very sick and passed away. She was the only upper relative that he actually respected.

"What's the answer to this one?"

Souichi looked down at where Mika's little pointer finger tapped against the problem scribbled on the paper, long golden hair falling around his face. He never let any of the Misses cut his hair unless they were trimming the dead ends; never, never ever. He didn't want to scar the fact that his parents were his parents and through their selfishness, they had given him that wonderful, long, soft blonde hair.

"Here, give me your pencil. See, you multiply this by that, to get the velocity." He scribbled numbers on her paper, instructing her to do the problem.

He watched as she tapped her pencil against her cheek every couple of seconds as she thought. She seemed to register only half of Souichi's words, but nodded when she partially understood.

"Physics is confusing," She muttered halfheartedly. He laughed warmly.

"It can be confusing. I wasn't perfect at it when I was your age, Mika." Souichi absentmindedly drew small marks on the edge of her paper with his fingernail. He suddenly realized that he was hunched over, legs pressed against his chest, unable to see well in the dim light of the bedroom. He didn't have any personal or insurance information to buy prescription glasses, so he couldn't see as well as he wanted to. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"A veterinarian. " Mika grinned goofily. Souichi felt guilty and bit down on his lip. So… she _wasn't _into physics…?

"Well… if you don't like physics, then… we can always stop."

"No!" She looked up at him with big dark eyes. "I like spending time with Souichi-sama."

Souichi blushed pink, lips twitching into a small smile. He really missed his sister. Mika was one of the orphans that he spent time with the most, simply because she was spunky and upbeat just like his sister was. He fingered the edge of his sweater sleeve, running the soft fabric across his cheek in thought. He really was happy here with Mika, and the other orphans, and the Misses. Besides having no real family, he did live a particularly good childhood. He was taken care of and was given everything anybody would ever need. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to go to college and become a professor, but he didn't want to leave. This was his home.

"Well… you know that I have to leave eventually." He ruffled her hair affectionately. She pouted, shaking her head and making her pigtails shake.

"I don't want Souichi-sama to leave."

"I didn't mean now, silly." He laughed. "I'm going to get a job one day and earn money so I can have a family."

She looked at him. "Eh? A family? Ooh… can I be part of your family, Souichi-sama?"

"You can if you want to. My daughter, Mika. Do you like that?" He smiled, tapping the eraser of the pencil on the floor. "Or, my step-sister Mika?"

"Whichever Souichi-sama wants me to be, I'll be!" She stood up, becoming twice his height as he sat down, and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh?" Souichi chuckled. "What if I wanted you to be a fly?"

"Then I'll be the best fly in the entire world!" She spread out her arms and began to run around the room, making childish buzzing noises. She tripped over Souichi's leg once or twice, falling on his lap in a fit of giggles. Souichi couldn't ever remember laughing or smiling this much, ever. He had always been stubborn, always been brash, even towards his caretakers, but children always broke down that wall, especially girls. They reminded him of his sister and all the memories he had ever had with her. He remembered the day they first arrived at the orphanage, even though they were only a few years old. Kanako never wanted to let him out of her sight, afraid that he would run away just like their mother and father did. She had used her two older brothers as pillows and lifelines until the day she became an adult.

"Hey, Mika, don't fall asleep on me." Souichi grumbled, trying to pry her head from his lap. "It's past bed time to begin with. Don't get both of us in trouble. I'm sure Miss Rina won't like seeing you still awake."

"Hm…" Mika stirred in his lap. "Can you sing me to sleep?"

"You want me to… what?" Souichi pushed her off of his lap and looked at her, making sure she wasn't mumbling nonsense while half-asleep.

"Sing me that Latin song you and the older kids sing at church. I like it."

Souichi furrowed his eyebrows. "You sure you want _me _to sing that? I don't have that good a voice… plus I don't like music very much."

Mika sat up and pouted at him. "Oh pleeease, Souichi-sama? Just this one time! Please?" She clapped her hands together and stuck out her bottom lip.

He sighed. "Alright, alright. But just this once. Come on, let's get you tucked into bed."

Closing his bedroom door behind himself, Souichi led Mika at his waist toward her bedroom. He passed Miss Rina and Miss Yuki, bowing to them in the long corridor and receiving bows and smiles in return as they crossed their hands in front of their black gowns. Mika's room was down the hall from his, make two lefts and a right and it was the first door on the right wall. Her bedroom walls were decorated with drawings she had made of her and her friends. Souichi didn't remember her having so many.

"When did you make all these?" He pointed to her crayon sketches of different kids in the orphanage that liked to play with her.

"I draw them when I can't sleep. Usually when it's storming. I can't sleep when it's storming. The thunder is loud and wakes me up." Mika took his hand and pulled him over to a wooden chest by her bed, causing him to gasp in surprise. "This is where I keep the drawings that I'm still working on."

Souichi pursed his lips and knelt down in front of the chest, pushing his loose hair behind his ear. "Can you show me some of them?"

Mika nodded and sat down, crossing her legs, and fumbled at the brass latch on the wicker chest. The orange light of her bedside lamp gave the room a warm, comfortable feeling. The crisp sound of paper rustling together made his ears perk and he looked down to see Mika passing a paper to him.

"I made this for you."

He took it between his own fingers and admired it. It was without a doubt a drawing of him, a small chibi cartoon with long blonde hair and a red sweater with black pants. The cartoon was holding hands with a smaller chibi girl with black pigtails, which he knew was her.

Souichi felt his lips turn up in a small smile as his face became hot. "You drew me?"

"Do you like it?" Mika mumbled as she gathered one of her stuffed animals in her arms.

"I like it." Souichi mumbled. "But… there's something wrong with it."

Mika's eyes widened as she scrambled to take the picture from his hands. "What do you mean there's something wrong with it? Nothing's wrong! This is special to Souichi-sama."

Souichi scoffed. "Yes, but, is my hair really that long? Look at it; it's at my feet there! My hair isn't that long."

"But I wanted to draw it that way because I love Souichi-sama's hair. My hair isn't that long either. Stingy." She laughed and poked him in the side. "Now come on, you have to sing me to sleep like you promised!"

"Alright, fine. Get in bed." Souichi stood and brushed off his pants, helping Mika climb into her twin-sized bed. The ceiling was a bit low so he had to hunch over to fit. He pulled the blanket over her body as she snuggled up with her stuffed animals, eyes peering up at him. "Is it too cold?"

"No, I'm okay." Mika smiled. "Oh, I forgot to take out my pigtails." She began to sit up and pull at her hair when Souichi stopped her and insisted he do it. Gentle, slender fingers gently untangled the cloth bands around her hair and pulled them free, making sure not to yank too hard. Once her hair was loose, she shook it and brushed it through with her fingers before lying back down under her blanket.

Souichi kneeled down at the side of her bed. "Sleepy?"

Mika nodded. "I'll fall asleep if you sing me to sleep."

"Okay, only since you asked." His hand brushed over her smaller one, watching as she slowly closed her eyes and turned her head away from him, preparing herself for sleep. He sighed and leaned closer, making sure his voice was just above a whisper as he cooed her to sleep.

_Panis angelicus, fit panis hominum_

_Dat panis coelicus, figuris terminum_

_O res mirabilis, Manducat Dominum_

_Pauper, pauper, servus et humilis_

_Pauper, pauper, servus et humilis_

The steady sound of her breathing indicated to him that she had fallen asleep. He removed his hand from hers and stood up, shutting off her bedside lamp. He felt a pang in his heart; he missed his family. He was alone here and really relied on the children to make him feel loved and important. He felt pathetic. He should be out there, at the top of his career, the most intelligent professor in all of Japan, but instead here he was praying with orphans. This wasn't who he wanted to be and it wasn't who he should've been. It was all his mother's fault. If she didn't abandon them when they were young, none of this would be happening. They would be able to go to a real school and get real jobs and go to a real college and succeed. Souichi felt like an idiot. It wasn't fair how his other two siblings managed to make good lives for themselves and he was still here.

He sighed and, blessing her quickly by touching his fingers to his forehead, chest, and shoulders, walked to the door, softly clicking it shut and making his way down the hall to his own bedroom. His eyes caught sight of a hall clock by his bedroom as he read the time; 10:42. He needed to be up in less than nine hours to help with housework. He shed his clothes and got into his pajama pants and shirt, and lay down on his bed. The bed was so soft and warm, he just wanted to fall asleep and not wake back up. It was like he was living a nightmare. He was the one that wanted to make something big of himself. Not Kanako. Not Tomoe. He was the one that wanted it. He would do anything to earn enough money to join university. He would do anything to find his mother and make her pay him thousands of dollars in neglected child support.

Turning over in bed, he felt his fingers go to his right hand and fiddle with the silver band on his ring finger. It was his mother's wedding ring that Tomoe had given to Souichi the day after he came back from his visit in America with their father. It was the only thing keeping Souichi in the hope that their mother was still alive.

He looked out the window at the big, bright moon. Light filled his room through the small window, and he swore he could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't. This was his home. This was where he had been raised ever since he could remember anything.

_This was his home._

* * *

Nobody had woken Souichi up the next morning to come help in the kitchen, which annoyed him. He had wanted to wash the dishes and mop the floor by himself, hopefully to earn a little bit of allowance from the Misses, but when he woke up nearly an hour later than he should have, he knew it would be pointless to go try now. Somebody else would have already cleaned it.

Slinging his legs out of bed, he showered and dressed quickly in a black shirt with a long white cardigan and black pants. He didn't put on any shoes, only black socks, and quickly brushed his damp, long hair before walking out into the corridor towards the kitchen. The hallways were empty and nearly quiet, meaning everybody was getting ready to eat and head over to the chapel. Bedrooms were all open and clean and quiet, and he could hear distant giggles of children and teenagers. They must've been setting the table and helping each other with it.

Pushing the door into the dining hall, Souichi was met with the sight of every child running around the dining room, putting plates and silverware and napkins in their place.

"Good morning, Souichi-sama!" Mika called out from across the room, smiling at him and waving her arm around. The rest of the children looked his way and all greeted him as well.

"Hello, Souichi-sama!" Fourteen-year-old Mizuki Kinjo called out.

"Souichi-sama!" One of his friends, seventeen-year-old Kim Ayashi, waved to him.

"Good morning!" One of the youngest children, Shinji Saito, said.

Souichi blushed and raised his hand, waving it a little as multiple children came running up to him and hugged his waist.

"Will Souichi-sama be teaching today?"

"Can you teach me art, Souichi-sama?"

"Souichi-sama, I wanna learn geometry! Can you teach me later?"

"I can teach all of you whatever you want." Souichi chuckled and pried the kids from his torso. "Go help Miss Yuki with the dishes." Having so much respect for their elder, they all willingly complied.

A tall, thin woman with long brown hair appeared in the kitchen doorway with an apron tied around her waist. She clapped her hands together and called out, "Ah, Souichi-kun, how glad we are that you could join us for breakfast! Did you sleep well?"

"Hm. Thank you, by the way, Miss Yuki." Souichi buried his hands in the pockets of his cardigan and nodded his head, walking over to her. "Why didn't anybody wake me up, though? I wanted to clean the kitchen."

"Ah, forgive us." She smiled, her eyes slitting. "You've just been working so hard around here helping out with cleaning and taking care of the younger children that we figured that, as a figurative family, we would let you sleep in a bit. We don't like having exhausted kids."

"…Thank you." Souichi was never that good at keeping conversation.

"Oh, you're more than welcome, Souichi-kun." Miss Yuki hoisted the kitchen door open with her hip as the oldest kids flooded the dining room with bowls of food, which they distributed to the table.

"Is there anything I can help with though?"

"Hm, not that I know of. You could go out into the garden and clean up after breakfast if you'd like."

"Yeah, I'd like that." Souichi nodded and gave her a tiny smile.

"Could you go help the children pick a seat and give them food?"

"Sure."

Souichi walked back towards the table where all the younger children were talking together and playing musical chairs trying to pick a seat.

"Souichi-kun, can I sit next to you?" Mika ran up to him and tugged on his cardigan.

He ruffled the top of her long hair. "Sure."

"Yay! Thanks!" Mika ran over to the end of the table and pulled out a chair for herself, scooting into the table and kicking her legs. The rest of the kids fell in line by seating themselves at the table, needing little instruction.

Miss Kimi walked up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She was barely taller than he was, and she was chunky and very nice, yet strict.

"They're well-behaved, aren't they?"

"Yeah." Souichi nodded. "Thank goodness they are. I would've hit my siblings if they ever acted irrationally."

"Ah, yes, Kanako and Tomoe. How have they been, Souichi-kun? Have you heard from them?"

Souichi sighed and turned to face her. "I haven't heard much. Kanako went to study music and Tomoe moved to America. That's the last I heard of them. Come to think of it, I haven't gotten any messages from Kanako on your phone in a while." He suddenly felt worried. If she stopped messaging him like she promised, wouldn't that mean that something happened to her?

"I'm sure she's just busy. She's your sister, after all. She'd know well enough not to get herself hurt out there."

"That's true."

Miss Kimi pursed her lips and smiled at him. "Are you going to eat?"

Souichi looked behind him at all the children sitting at the table. "I'm not that hungry."

"Oh? Did something happen?"

"No, I'm just… not hungry."

"Hm, alright. Do you need to go rest? Are you getting sick?"

"No."

"Hm." Miss Kimi raised her hand and ruffled his hair. He blushed at the affectionate contact, but made no move to stop her. "If you don't feel good, how about you go do that garden work that Miss Yuki was talking about? Go clean the statues, weed the crops. Okay?"

"Yeah." Souichi nodded and headed out the door of the dining room, making his way towards the washroom by the front entrance to the orphanage. He took a bucket of water and soap and a washcloth and headed outside. The sun was bright and warm, since it was the middle of June. His socked feet carried him gingerly to the lush garden, which was long and wide, expanding all the way over to the next acre. Across the street was the white brick chapel, and next door was a forest with sand paths. The sand paths led to the chapel courtyard, which was where the statues were.

He suddenly wished he had worn shoes, at least slippers, when he felt the gravel pushing against the bottoms of his feet. It hurt, and he hurried to get off of the gravel driveway and onto the sand. The strained movement caused him to toss the bucket around a bit, water splashing onto his pants. He cursed under his breath, narrowed his eyes at his sudden action, blessed himself quickly, and continued walking.

The statues were white, human-like, and proportionate, made exquisitely of smooth porcelain. He never liked the fact that most of the statues were men, but he didn't bother to whine. Dipping the washcloth into the bucket, he wrung it out before beginning to scrub the dirtied porcelain.

He thought about his siblings. He wondered if Kanako's career ever took off, since she stopped contacting him. He wondered if Tomoe was happy in his marriage, even though he couldn't stand his husband. He was raised to believe that men were horrible and that only women were nice. He wondered if his mother was happy wherever the hell she was, if she was regretting leaving them or if she was soaking in her own self pity and selfishness. Thinking about his mother made him grit his teeth and shove the washcloth into the bucket with more force than necessary.

"Damn woman…" He muttered to himself, scrubbing the front of the statue. "Just leaving us alone like this. Che, whatever. At least I'm making the best out of myself. The best of myself… washing statues." Looking up at the face of the statue, he smacked it with the washcloth before picking up the bucket and walking to another statue, this time one of a woman. She wasn't as dirty as the other statue, but he cleaned her anyway.

Time and time again, he wrung out the soaked washcloth, watching as the water started to become cloudy and dirty.

"I don't know how you get so dirty," Souichi muttered to himself, "it's not like you go anywhere."

He sighed and resumed his work. It could be a lot worse, now that he thought about it. Being stuck cleaning and watching kids day after day wasn't all that bad compared to situations he could've been in. He could've been completely homeless and dirty living off of food scraps on the side of the street. No, he would never resort to that kind of person. His pride wouldn't let him.

Something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, something shiny and reflective. Turning his head towards the mouth of the sand path, he stared around for a good half a minute. He could've sworn he saw something reflect out of the corner of his eye, and he knew he didn't bring anything reflective.

Resuming his work, he shoved the thought in the back of his mind. Maybe he didn't get enough sleep. Maybe that extra one hour that they let him have wasn't enough for his exhausted body. Maybe he was imagining things. Maybe his mind just wasn't in its right state from thinking about his disbanded family and it made him paranoid. Maybe-

There it was again. That reflective glint that came out of nowhere. Souichi gulped and set the washcloth down into the bucket, slowly standing up and looking around. _What the hell _is _that? Is it someone's car? There are no cars… this is a sand trail._

"Who's there?" He called out rather weakly. It was dreadfully quiet, save for the occasional breeze and the soft chirping of birds. He heard some grass rustle behind him, and whipped around, feeling his heart thumping in his throat. His hands slowly drifted towards the waist of his pants, slipping just under the fabric and pulling out a small pocket knife. His fingers trembled as he flipped the knife out and held it in front of himself protectively. "Tell me who you are right now or so help me-"

"Please put it away."

Souichi's head whipped to his left, hair flying, as his eyes rested on the tall male standing before him. Tall figure, broad shoulders, pale hair, and unusually formal clothing. His first initial reaction was to stab the man with the knife, but his arms wouldn't let him. They felt like frozen jelly.

"Wh-who are you?! I've never seen you around here before." Souichi gulped and shook his guarded hand towards the man's torso. "Don't come near me!"

"Alright, alright, calm down." The male removed his black sunglasses and held his hands up innocently as he smiled guardedly. "I'm not here to hurt you in any way. Can you put the knife away, please?"

"No!" Souichi grit his teeth. It definitely hurt his pride to act this way, but he had never been confronted by a man before. "Tell me who you are right now or I'll yank your fucking heart out of your damn chest!"

The man chuckled and tucked his hands into his trouser pockets. "That's an awfully dirty mouth for someone who was raised in a convent."

Souichi's eyes widened to the point where he felt like they would tear and fall out. "Who are you? Stop avoiding the question!"

The man simply lifted a small business card between two fingers and flicked it at Souichi. "Taichirou Isogai. I presume you're Mister Tatsumi Souichi, yes?"

Souichi's stance didn't waver one bit as he just watched the card flutter to the ground. "What do you want from me? Why are you bugging me? I'm busy as you can clearly see, so if you would just leave and go back where you came from-"

"I need your help."

"…Help?" Souichi scoffed and lowered his arm, shutting the knife and curling his fingers around it. "Like I'd help someone like you! I don't know you, so just leave me alone." He turned around to pick up the wash bucket.

"You know Tatsumi Kanako, don't you?"

He couldn't breathe for half a second, and his whole body seemed to tense up. Kanako? What would this man know about Kanako? Did something happen to her? Was she okay? Did her career ever take off?

"How do you know Kanako?" Souichi narrowed his eyes and spoke in a low voice. He slowly slid the pocket knife into his cardigan, making sure to keep his fingers near it in case he needed to pull it out again.

"I need your help." Isogai took a few steps towards him, causing him to back up into the base of the statue, nearly knocking over the bucket of dirty water.

"Don't touch me!" Souichi shouted, hands shaking against his legs. "Just tell me what the fuck you want!"

Isogai reached into his pocket again and pulled out another piece of paper. Unfolding it, Souichi saw that it was a picture. "This is your sister, Kanako, is it not?" He turned the photo around so Souichi could see it. It was indeed Kanako, and it looked like she was a model for some kind of photo shoot. Her hair had gotten a lot longer and she looked… happy. "I'm her agent."

Souichi nodded reluctantly. "Kanako…" He couldn't resist taking the picture into his own hands, feeling tears trying to force their way into the open air. "She looks so happy and so fulfilled. And she lost weight. Kanako, are you eating well? Her hair grew, too… and she dyed it… I hope she's studying…"

"Hm? Studying?"

Souichi glared up at him. "As a family, or what's left of our family, she, our brother, and I used to study science together all the time. She was exceptionally good at it, but she didn't want to be a science teacher. She wanted to go for music."

"She didn't tell me that..." Isogai shook his head. "Your faces…" He took the picture back and held it up besides Souichi's face, "… looked so alike."

"Well, we're siblings. Is it really that surprising? What about it?"

"N-nothing. Anyway, the reason I came here to find you is because I have very important news about your sister."

"Is she alright?" Souichi's voice was rushed and frantic. "Is she taking care of herself? Did you do anything to her? I swear to God, so help me, if you touched a single hair on her head, I will-"

"I did nothing to her, Souichi-kun." Isogai smirked at him playfully.

"Don't call me that! I never said you could call me that. My name is Souichi, not Souichi-kun." Sighing, Souichi sat down on the base of the statue and ruffled his long hair. "Then what happened to my sister that's so urgent that you had to come all the way here and disturb me?"

Isogai's mouth seemed to open and close like a fish, like he was trying to find the right words to say. He didn't make eye contact, either; something was wrong.

"…What happened to my sister?" Souichi pressed.

"Aha, it's nothing horrible, I promise you." Isogai waved his hands reassuringly. "In fact, I have good news! After doing a nation-wide search in the Americas, your sister was chosen to become the new visual member of the famous boy band, TNShi."

"…TN-what?"

"Eh? You've never heard of TNShi? Maa, do they even let you listen to music at a convent?"

"I told you, I don't like music." Souichi grumbled. "And why the hell a boy band? She's a female, for Christ's sake. I don't want her around men like that. All they care about is their image and their sex partners. And anyway, you really had to come here to tell me that Kanako finally found a career, when you could've easily asked her for my contact information and just given me a phone call? Che, what a waste of time and energy."

"Ah…" Isogai rubbed the nape of his neck nervously. "That's not the only reason why I'm here."

"Well, spit it out. I've been trying to squeeze information out of you for minutes now. Don't waste my time."

"…Okay." With that, Isogai tugged up his slacks and got down on his knees, pressing his hands together. Souichi's eyes widened and he thrashed on the statue base.

"What the hell are you doing? Are you proposing to me?!"

"No. I need you to do me a very big favor, for me and for your sister."

"…Why in that position?"

"Souichi!" Isogai raised his voice, causing Souichi to shrink down. "Please… I ask this of you with a lot of shame and pride at the same time… and if it wasn't urgent, then I wouldn't have come here…"

"Spit it the fuck out already, old man!"

"Please become Kanako."

…What?

…_What?!_

Souichi couldn't find any way to verbally express his shock and profound embarrassment. He could've sworn his stomach dropped and he mentally gagged. This had to be a joke. It just had to be. Some… some kind of sick prank. But the more he processed it over and over in his mind, Isogai's pleading facial expression didn't fade away. This wasn't a joke.

"W-what the fuck are you saying, you creep?!" The knife was back out of its holster in half a second.

"Now, now, Souichi, let's talk rationally about this-"

"Are you making fun of me?! Are you making me look like a fucking idiot? Are you calling me a female? How can you talk rationally about me changing my fucking gender?! What's wrong with you? You walk into a convent garden and ask a man to become a woman? Have you no fucking shame?!"

"Souichi, this was just as much your sister's decision as it was mine."

"You must be fucking kidding. I'm a man, for Christ's sake, is it that hard to notice?!"

Isogai sighed and picked up his business card from the soft grass. "I don't want to frustrate you, Souichi. But your sister needs you."

"And why the hell do you think I would even do this anyway? What drugs did you slip her to make her think that I would be okay with this?"

"Look, Souichi, something happened and your sister needs to sign her contract immediately or she will not get the position in the band!" It was the first time that Isogai had really yelled. "Since you support her as much as she says you do, you should be able to do just this for her."

"Do what? Have a sex change?!"

"No." Isogai pressed his hands together and bowed in front of Souichi, who looked ready to climb out of his skin. "Please, Souichi. All you need to do is dress up like your sister, go into the office, keep your head down and sign the contract. That's all. She needs this, Souichi. She can't be here because of unfortunate reasons, and the label is very impatient."

"You must be fucking kidding."

"I assure you Souichi, I will support you and protect you the entire way. As Kanako's assistant, it's my job to support her, and if you become your sister, it'll be my job to support you. I will do everything in my power to ensure that nothing happens to either one of you. Please, please, do us this favor."

"And why exactly would I?"

"I'll pay you $50,000."

…What? Fifty _thousand_? Souichi knew that would be enough for him to buy a plane ticket and enter college. He could visit America and see his siblings, and study science in a university there! This was exactly the chance he had been looking for, scraping up whatever money he could find for the past twenty years.

Souichi stuck his tongue into his cheek. "Fifty thousand, huh? My sister is really worth that much to you?"

"Would you like more?" Isogai asked and started to search his pockets for a checkbook.

"No," Souichi held up his hand. "Fifty thousand is enough. But I don't know if I should trust somebody like you. You're sure that whatever this 'unfortunate reason' is, it has nothing to do with you?"

"I promise you it has nothing to do with me. I'm only her agent. I am in charge of looking after her and managing her career down to the bone."

He didn't even know how to respond to anything. This was absolutely psychotic and ridiculous. What if people recognized him on the street and made fun of him? What if people thought he really did have a sex change?

"…Just sign the contract… right?"

"Yes."

"…Fine." Souichi's voice shook, as he really did not want to have anything to do with this sick, twisted plan that Isogai had obviously concocted to make fun of him. "But I swear on my life, if anybody touches me the wrong way, I will end you. I'm straight, and don't you _dare _forget that."

Isogai smiled and held out his hand for a handshake. "Thank you, Souichi-kun."

"Oy." Souichi mumbled, shaking Isogai's hand. "I said to leave the –kun off! And don't think that this makes us friends or whatever the fuck you think we are now."

"Come on, we have to get you to the office!"

"Wah! Don't yank me like that!"

* * *

The outfit was the most uncomfortable thing he had ever put on in his life. He couldn't believe he was actually going along with this. Was this what Kanako really wanted? Really? Souichi didn't know why she didn't want to go for a nice all-girl band, but a band full of males? The idea reeked of bad luck.

The building was enormous, bigger than the chapel, bigger than anything Souichi had ever seen. A long, wide stretch of sidewalk up from where their car was parked led to a gate, which he assumed was the entrance to the building. The sidewalk continued left before the gate, which then led to a pool and a flight of metal stairs that led into the higher balconies of the building. Beyond the gate, Souichi could see the glass windows and masonry of the living section of the house.

Coming out of the changing room, or rather the open space in the back of the van, Souichi adjusted his shirt. He didn't even want to look at himself. Suddenly he felt self-conscious and wished that he had let the Misses cut his hair whenever they asked. No, he loved his hair. He wouldn't let anybody cut it.

"I can't walk in these shoes. I'll kill you after this is all over, I swear." Souichi mumbled as he nearly fell in front of Isogai.

"Woah… minus the hair, you look so much like Kanako-chan. I must say, the outfit does look simply stunning on you. You have a nice body, nice hair, and nice nails. See, it all works out, Souichi-kun. There's no way they won't fall for it, haha~!"

Souichi looked up with a sour expression on his face. Were the horrendous clothes really that amazing? He was wearing tight black shorts, something he really wished he could take off because he didn't like having every inch of his legs exposed, slightly heeled black sandals, a white graphic tank top with a black leather jacket over it, and a black bandana. The bra was especially uncomfortable, it didn't fit him right, and there was absolutely no way he would dare wear the thong that Isogai provided him with; he would much rather stay in the briefs he had on. This was temporary, it wouldn't matter.

"Kanako really wanted to wear this shit?" He looked down, trying to get used to walking in the shoes. Every day in the convent, he had worn only socks or slippers. "It's uncomfortable."

"Come on, Souichi. You only have to wear it for fifteen minutes. And leave your hair down; it makes you look especially feminine."

"…Jeez, thanks for the fucking compliment. Fucking sicko. And can't I have some glasses? I can't see anything."

"Ah… we should've gotten you some contacts…" Isogai muttered and put his hands on his hips, looking around. "No matter, I'll process you some insurance information when we're done so you can get some glasses."

"Thank you." He grunted and tried to pull down the legs of his shorts. "This is so embarrassing…"

Isogai chuckled. "Come on, Souichi. This is for your sister's career. All you have to do is just close your eyes and sign the paper, and then she'll be able to come back and join the band."

"What happened to her, anyway?" Souichi narrowed his eyes.

"Oh…" Isogai looked away. "She uh… she had some nodules in her throat so I advised her to stop singing until they healed. She should be fine within a couple days. Nothing big, see?"

"Hm. She better not get worse." Souichi crossed his arms. "Now, where do I need to go?"

Isogai pointed to the far end of the sidewalk. "The office is over there, just up those stairs and down the hall. Actually, below the stairs is an entrance to the building foyer which connects to the dorm building, but we don't need to go there. Are you ready?" He adjusted his tie nervously. Souichi was actually very nervous and frightened. What if the people in there knew he was a male and tried to take advantage of him? Or worse, what if his disguise worked too well and they tried to take advantage of him?

"As ready as I'll ever be…" He mumbled, trying to hide his face in his long hair.

"Alright, come on then." Isogai gave him a small, protective smile and held out his hand.

Souichi stared at the appendage. "What are you doing?"

"I'm offering you my hand to hold if you're nervous. I know, you don't trust me and you think I'll force myself on you. I'm only here to be Kanako's agent; I have no interest in males."

"Who said I'm nervous…"

Isogai laughed warmly. "I know you're scared, Souichi. Come on. I'll be with you the whole way."

Souichi nodded, blessed himself quickly, and walked towards the stairs. He reached out a shaky hand to take hold of the support bar, going up one stair at a time as if they were spiked.

"Oh, one more thing, Souichi-kun!" Isogai suddenly grabbed his arm before they were at the top of the stairs.

"What did I say about calling me that?" Souichi growled out, snapping his arm back. "And what did I say about touching me?"

"There's something I forgot to mention." Isogai scratched the back of his neck. "Your sister auditioned and applied and was accepted under the name Tatsumi Sandara, not Tatsumi Kanako."

"…What? Why?"

"She had called your brother Tomoe to ask him if he had any information about your mother. When she asked, Tomoe said he had only heard from your father that her middle name was Sandara. I don't know why your father didn't tell Tomoe her entire name, but by the time I tried asking him myself, your father had already passed away."

"The old man must've been avoiding it… che, I knew she was a bad person."

"The point is, when you go in there, I need you to sign the paper under the name Tatsumi Sandara. Kanako had the idea that if she used her mother's middle name to become famous, then her mother would come back you the three of you."

That did make sense, Souichi thought. He didn't forgive his mother any less, but it made him feel a little bit better. "Alright. Now which door is it?" Souichi leaned towards the hallway, looking down at all the doors.

"The last door on the left, this way." Isogai held out his hand again, and Souichi placed his forearm in the man's hand. Isogai pulled him down the curved hallway towards the door, and with each step he could feel and hear his heart beating erratically. "And remember, no eye contact, no talking. Just signing some papers." He said the last part in a whisper, to which Souichi nodded in agreement. He watched as Isogai's hand drifted upon the handle, turned it, and pushed the door open, where he was shoved in.

It was quiet, very clean, but very big. The office was the shape of a circle, giant monitor screens hanging from the middle of the ceiling. There was a big circular table under the monitors, rows of chairs spawning out from it on one side of the room. On the monitors he noticed the same picture of Kanako that Isogai had showed him by the statue. This was really it; this was where his sister wanted to be, what she wanted to do. He was really doing this.

"Ah, Tatsumi Sandara! You're finally here!"

The loud male voice snapped him out of his thoughts as his head turned towards the origin of the voice. Two men, one in a white and red suit similar to Isogai's, and the other in a black button-up shirt and pants, came rushing towards him and he wanted to bolt out of the room as fast as he could, but as soon as his body tried to move, Isogai's hand squeezed around his lower arm, holding him still.

"President Ito." Isogai laughed and moved to shake hands with the man in the white and red suit. "Ah, Sandara," Isogai looked down at Souichi, who looked up at him with frightful eyes, "this is the label president Ito Akatsuki, and this is his agent, Kain Tomaki."

"Ah, nice to meet you, Sandara. We were very impressed with your photo shoot pictures, ahaha~! Oh…? You changed your hair?" Ito asked and reached to touch Souichi's long hair, when Isogai gently blocked his hand.

"Aha, she uh… she thought it would be a good idea to dye her hair blonde to portray a more angelic sense to the band!"

"Ah, I see. Well, welcome to the TN Entertainment family, Sandara." Ito smiled and extended his hand to try and shake Souichi's, who just cowered into Isogai's side, staring at the foreign appendage. "You seem tense…"

"Ah, sorry, President. She's just got a little bit of stage fright." Isogai chuckled and squeezed Souichi's forearm again.

"Oh." Ito laughed awkwardly. "Did you see the contract applications that were sent?"

"Yes." Isogai nodded. "We handled them spectacularly. She just couldn't wait to start, haha… so, shall we sign the papers?"

"Oh, yes, right this way!" President Ito adjusted his black-framed glasses and went around the table pick up an opened binder. Isogai mouthed to Souichi to walk and led him around to the side of the table. Dear God, he wanted to disappear. He had never been around so many men at one time. He almost tripped again in the shoes just thinking about disappearing.

"Alright…" Ito flipped over a couple pieces of paper. "Just sign your full name right here and we'll get your admittance into custom." He held out a pen for Souichi to take.

Souichi shakily pulled the pen from the man's fingers, cautiously watching the man's expression. He was awfully smiley and energetic, but he didn't notice any sign of a threat. He looked down at the paper he was supposed to sign. There was so much tiny kanji, he could barely read any of it. Some of it he made out, though, which stated that the signer's safety was insured and was the most important thing to them. It also said that they would have a two year contract that they would have to renew every time it expired if they wanted to continue in the band. He guessed this really was in his sister's best interest.

"What are you doing?" Isogai whispered to him. He looked up at the man, unsure of what to do. "Sign the paper."

He looked back down at the paper, bringing the point of the pen down. Slowly scribbling out the kanji for Sandara Tatsumi, he set the pen down and stepped away from the table faster than he could blink.

"Ah, thank you much! Yes, we'll get this information processed right away. Thank you." President Ito nodded and smiled and ruffled the top of Souichi's hair, and it took all of his self control not to pull the pocket knife out from his shorts and stab the man's hand.

"Hahaha, yes~!" Isogai laughed and waved as they walked to the side of the room to deposit the contract. Once they weren't looking, he let go of Souichi's arm and whispered to him. "Nicely done. Good job keeping your cool, Souichi."

"Yeah, I wanted to strangle him for touching me…" Souichi whispered back, adjusting his bandana. "Can I take this off now?"

"You sure can. Let's go." Isogai smiled and patted Souichi's back to coax him into standing up. He saw every one of the man's muscles relaxing under the feminine clothes. He mentally sighed, relieved that the plan actually worked. Souichi was a better actor than he first thought, and probably even better than the man thought of himself. Everything was on track; Kanako would be returning from America once her nodules healed up, Souichi would go back to the convent, Kanako would join the band and live up to her contract-

"Stop."

Souichi was barely around the table when the double doors opened unexpectedly, and a body stepped in. He had just registered the sight of black hair and dark clothing when the man had gotten a lot closer to him, stopping just a few inches from his face. He was taller than Souichi, and had to hunch down to really peer at his face. His shoulders were broad, and his body looked like it was well-taken care of.

"W-wha…" Souichi unexpectedly squeaked out, suddenly self-conscious about his appearance and voice. This had to be one of the other members, it just had to be. God, what was with all the men around here?

After a few more moments of staring at him with dark green eyes, the man stood up straight. "Who is this?"

"Ah, you're here right on time!" Ito grinned and clapped his hands. "Let me introduce your new member, Tatsumi Sandara. She's a bit timid, so try not to frighten her. I'm working on implementing her information via the signed contract. I'll be with you in a short moment!"

Isogai cleared his throat quietly, trying to pull Souichi's arm and get him away from the man, but Souichi couldn't feel his body responding. He could feel the man's breath on him, feel his judging stare, but he couldn't feel his limbs. He had never felt so small in his life.

"This is the one Yamaguchi talked about? The one with the voice like a thousand angels?" The man stuck his tongue in his cheek and spoke with a low, thick voice.

President Ito turned around. "Yes she is, isn't she stunning? I'm glad you came, actually. I wanted to introduce her to you. Did Yama and Hiroto come, too?"

Souichi tried his hardest to look away from the man's eyes as they bored into his, but he couldn't.

"You don't look that special to me." The man muttered. "You're really that amazing?"

Souichi tightened his lips and gulped, nodding sharply. He turned to look at Isogai, who was looking right back at him with the same unsure expression.

"Where's her contract?" The man looked at the president and cocked his hip. "Let me see it."

"Ah… right away." President Ito smiled and ran over to the side of the room to get the contract before placing it in the man's elongated fingers. Turning the papers over and over, he looked at the constant mention of the kanji for Tatsumi Sandara. Nearly nineteen years old, born and raised in Nagoya, Japan, grew up without parents…

He smirked, looking up from the paper at Souichi's face. "The contract isn't that important to me, but I have to confirm something before you're anywhere near accepted."

"C-Confirm?" Isogai's eyes widened as he attempted to squeeze himself between the man and the fake copy of his client. "What is there to confirm? She already signed the papers, and it is President Ito's decision whether she joins or not."

The man ignored his complaint and reached around Isogai's hip, hand latching onto Souichi's wrist as he pulled. Souichi gasped and nearly tripped as he was yanked out from behind the only thing keeping him safe. He wanted to scream, wanted to thrash and pull out his knife and stab this man, but that would ruin his sister's image. God, why did he have to be put in this situation? Being taken away by a strange man to God-knows-where, someone who will probably take advantage of him, all because of his sister. He wanted to be back at the orphanage, wanted to be back with Mika in his soft bed. He didn't want to be here, he wanted to be home.

"H-Hey! Tetsuhiro, where are you taking her?" President Ito bolted around the table towards the door. "Let her go!"

"The band room." The man pushed the double doors open and pulled Souichi down the curved hallway, leaving President Ito and Isogai yelling from behind.

"Don't hurt her! Let her go! Hey!"

Souichi wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to kick, wanted to do everything, but he knew he couldn't. His heart was racing at a mile a minute; he had never feared so much for his life.

The man, or Tetsuhiro as he guessed, pushed open a wooden door at the end of the hallway, and he was shoved inside, nearly falling on top of a giant black piano. Gasping, he jolted away from the instrument, backing up and feeling his head brush against somebody else's body, causing him to jerk back again.

Taking in his full surroundings, he noticed two other men looking intriguingly at him, the one behind him with layered auburn hair and one to his right with short blonde hair. God, could this situation get any worse?

The band room wasn't small but he felt claustrophobic. He tangled his fingers together and kept his head to the ground, avoiding eye contact like Isogai told him.

"And so you can't get out," Tetsuhiro muttered before walking over to the door and locking the handle.

Souichi felt his heart drop into his stomach. Oh, no, this really was what he thought it was. He was going to get raped in here! He needed to scream, needed to call for help, needed to break that giant window on the side of the wall-

His body jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around almost slower than physically possible, he noticed the brunette smiling at him. He was barely taller than Souichi, with a bright face and auburn hair down to the nape of his neck. His eyes were dark brown and he noticed the man wearing a black vest with a white long button-up shirt and black jeans, something Souichi knew he would've worn himself back at the orphanage.

"Oh, yer… Sandara?" The man smiled. He had a slightly nasal voice, and Souichi cringed listening to it. He backed up again; this was freaking him out so much. "I'm Hiroto." The man was giving him a barely noticeable yet knowing look.

Backing up proved to be a bad idea, since he nearly fell over another body. Turning around, he noticed the blonde smiling at him now.

"Oh, be careful, please! We don't need our newest member to get hurt. The name's Yama. Short for Yamaguchi. I hope we'll be really good friends from now on!" He held out his hands to support Souichi, causing the blonde to inch away from him. "Oh… sheepish, I guess."

The blonde was wearing a black jacket like his with white jeans and red boots. What kind of band was this…? Kanako really liked this type of music?

Moving away from both of the men, he felt the edge of the piano press into his lower back and suddenly felt extremely self conscious. His legs were very exposed, and he wasn't wearing female underwear. What if they saw? The thought made him squeeze his legs shut, trying to hide himself from their eyes. Standing to his left was the same man that had pulled him out of the office. He was still keen on staring Souichi down like he was burning a hole through his face. The expression he wore suggested that he despised Souichi's presence even more than Souichi despised the man's.

Since he couldn't find a way to escape, he thought he should speak, but his throat felt drier than the air around him. He looked up into the eyes of his enemy, and this was the first time that he actually got a good look at the man. Tall yet carefully built, with a soft yet handsome face which was turned in a scary expression, dark green eyes, and shoulder length layered black hair. He was wearing a white button-up shirt with the top buttons undone and the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, covered by a black zipper vest which was left open, dark red jeans and black boots stopping a few inches above his ankles.

Knocking at the door made him jump as he looked at the window on the wall, seeing Isogai and President Ito trying to open the locked door. He wanted to move past the men to open the door, but the tall one was in the way.

"Open the door! Hey! Tetsuhiro, open the door!"

Souichi's eyes darted from one member to the next, scared that they would come any closer to him. His left hand rested on the waist of his shorts, ready to pull out the knife if he needed it.

"The door! Hey, Tetsuhiro, can't you open the door? Huh?"

"President, hurry up and get the door open."

"I can't. It's locked from their side."

"Tetsuhiro!"

"Please open this door!"

"Open it!"

"Sandara!"

Contract in hand, the man looked over at the piano next to him and picked up a piece of paper off of it, looking over it quickly, and shoving it into Souichi's chest. The blonde looked down at how close the man's hand was to his fake body and blushed slightly. Why were the other two just standing there? Why weren't they helping him or making the man back off?

"Sandara!"

"Sandara, open this door!"

"Tetsuhiro, open this door! Open it!"

Souichi took the paper in his own hands and looked at it. It was a song, all the sheet music printed on the front side. The kanji for the words was written along the tops of the lines. _Without Words… _It sounded to him like a romantic song. Why was he given this?

"Sing it." The man said to him. He looked up and widened his eyes.

"W-wha…?" Souichi stammered quietly. He wasn't supposed to talk; what if they noticed his voice was too deep for a female? And they wanted him to_ sing? _That was even worse! What was he supposed to do?

"I need to hear you sing before I accept you into anything regarding this band. You want to be a singer? You have to be able to sing." The man spoke again. His voice was deep and flat, suggesting to Souichi that he really meant what he said. "If I don't like it, it won't matter how many acceptance contracts you sign with President Ito. Simply speaking, you won't become one of us."

Souichi gulped, unsure of what move to make next. He heard the brown-haired one sigh next to him and turned to look at him.

"President Ito spoke really well of ya. He told us nothing but good things." The brunette smiled at him. He felt so awkward, deceiving so many men and being complimented by them. "I'm really curious to see if what he said is true~! Could ya show us?"

Well, at least he didn't scare Souichi as much.

"You really have an amazing voice?" The blonde one bent down to look at his face. "Oh, sing it! I really wanna hear it! President Ito didn't take any recorded demos or samples, so we have no idea what the voice is like that he chose for us."

And that one didn't scare him much, either.

The problem was the one interrogating him.

"I…" Souichi started, attempting to make his voice higher-pitched and more feminine. "I…"

The man crossed his arms and stuck his tongue in his cheek, obviously starting to get annoyed. "If you don't like that song, then sing whatever you know. Something you like."

"Where's the key?"

"What key?"

"Don't you have a master key?"

"The stylist had it last, I don't know where it is!"

"Well go find it!"

Souichi looked back down at the paper, chewing on his tongue. He wished the ground would just open up beneath him and swallow him right up so he wouldn't be in this situation anymore. What was he supposed to do? It wasn't him who could sing, it was his sister. Dressing like his sister was one thing, but sounding like her was a completely different thing. This could _not _be happening. He had always known that his sister's voice was high-pitched and sweet and his was deeper and more nasal. How was he supposed to pull a "voice of a thousand angels" out of his ass?

"Keep asking them!"

"Hey, open the door! Open the… hey!"

"Hey, Sandara! Sandara, open the door!"

"It's okay Sandara, just open the door!"

The man sighed again. "You can't do it? Or are you just not good?"

"I…" Souichi stammered again, lips opening and closing as he looked at all three males surrounding him. "I… I…"

"You?" He asked again. "You what?"

"C-ca… n… t…"

"Hey, Tetsuhiro! Don't push her like that! Try to coax her, okay?"

"No, no, Tetsuhiro, don't! Leave her be and open the door!"

"Sandara!"

"Sandara, come over here!" Isogai called him, making him look up in exasperated hope. "Sandara! Don't worry, okay? Remember, this is your dream! This is what you wanted all along! Don't give up on it now! Do it for her!"

Do it… for her…

_Do it… for her…_

Isogai was right. He _had _to do this for her, for his sister. He had always promised to take care of her in every single way possible, always promised to support her in any way he could. He always told her he would do everything he could for her. He paid for her trip to music school in America, he talked to her on the phone every single day as much as he could. He helped her through the depression of saying goodbye to Tomoe, and she helped Souichi through the depression of her leaving. They had been inseparable since birth, and he wasn't about to change that.

He could practically feel the man smirking at him through the cloud of shouts coming from the window.

"Hey! Open the door!"

"This is what you've dreamed about since you were little! Your future and life depends on this, Sandara! You can't give it up now."

_Can't… give it up now?_

The man chuckled darkly, looking down at the signed contract in his hand. "Forget it, _San-da-ra._"He stretched out every syllable of the name. "You're not good enough for us."

Souichi's heart started to race. Shit, he blew it. He blew his sister's chances of being happy with her career. What was he supposed to do now?

Sing… they wanted him to sing… but he couldn't sing.

Could he?

* * *

**_Aaaaand I'm gonna stop it here. Cliffhangers are so much fun ( :_**

**Okay, before I do anything else, I need to explain this a little bit. **

**This story was based on an Asian drama called You're Beautiful in Korean, Fabulous Boys in Taiwanese (Mandarin), or Ikemen Desu Ne in Japanese. If you've seen it, great, if you haven't, great. I wanted to write this for so long, regardless of it being based on something or not. I will need a disclaimer with this story, simply because the plot isn't entirely mine (though i'll try to change it so that there are some parts that are original and completely mine. I'm very unsure about this story, like I probably said in some author notes on my other stories, because it does need tweaking, but I wanted to get this out and show you guys what you could look forward to if you liked this.  
**

**It was also inspired by the Haikaburi Princess extra around volumes five and six, that nobody seems to have made a fanfic about yet. So, I decided, why wait when I can just write it myself?  
**

**I literally only have two words to describe this story.**

_**Cross.**** Dressing.**_

**And music. Yeah.**

**This story will be long as hell, simply because as you can see the words "PART 1" at the top of this, this isn't even the end of Part 1. There will be between sixteen and maybe eighteen parts, since there are approximately sixteen episodes of the drama (one version has like seven and the other has like twelve and the other has sixteen). I wanted to make the intro longer than this, but I also wanted to keep you guys anticipating it. I can re-update it and make it longer if you like, but that will be after you guys decide whether you like this or not.  
**

**UPDATE: I had go to back and fix this because fucking Microsoft Word decided to remove the letters of the band since there are periods in it. I took them out but it looks dumb without periods. I'm tired of your bullshits, Microsoft Word. **

**PS: Got any songs you think I should use? I already have like... seven... but I could probably squeeze in one or two more! **

**_Please, give me feedback! I'd love to hear what you have to say! Think I need to tweak anything in my writing? Let me know!_**

**_-Brittany_**


	2. Part 1-2

He could practically feel the man smirking at him through the cloud of shouts coming from the window.

"Hey! Open the door!"

"This is what you've dreamed about since you were little! Your future and life depends on this, Sandara! You can't give it up now."

_Can't… give it up now?_

The man chuckled darkly, looking down at the signed contract in his hand. "Forget it, _San-da-ra._"He stretched out every syllable of the name. "You're not good enough for us."

Souichi's heart started to race. Shit, he blew it. He blew his sister's chances of being happy with her career. What was he supposed to do now?

Sing… they wanted him to sing… but he couldn't sing.

Could he?

The man held up the contract in front of him, fingers stretched across it, as he began to rip the stack of papers in half. Panicking, Souichi did the first thing that he could think of.

_Panis angelicus, fit panis hominum_

_Dat panis coelicus, figuris terminum_

Something must've happened, because every single person got quiet. The shouts from the window stopped, and the other two men who tried to coax him into singing were both looking at him with shocked expressions. He tried to imagine himself in Mika's bedroom, singing her gently to sleep.

_O res mirabilis, Manducat Dominum_

_Pauper, pauper, servus et humilis_

He could barely register the man lowering the contract and staring at him; it wasn't like he wanted to register it, anyway.

_Pauper, pauper, servus et humilis_

He wanted to die. He wanted to burrow away and die. He felt so humiliated; he'd been made fun of, dressed up like a skank, thrown into a room full of straight men that couldn't keep their eyes off of him, and he was forced to sing, something he couldn't do.

But they didn't seem bothered by it. In fact, it was the complete opposite. The man in black looked like he was trying hard not to show how astonished he was. The brunette was smiling and the blonde looked surprised out of his skin. Was Souichi really that good?

"Sandara…" Isogai said softly.

"Hey! Hurry and open the door!" President Ito banged on the window again.

Looking defeated, Tetsuhiro turned and stormed away towards the door, opening it and thrusting the contract into President Ito's chest before walking down the hall. Isogai came rushing into the room, hands immediately going to Souichi's shoulders. This time, Souichi didn't shove him off. He was too shaken up about what just happened.

"Are you alright?" Isogai bent his head to look at Souichi's face, who looked like he was about to cry or scream. Souichi nodded reluctantly, keeping his head down so he wouldn't have to look at anybody's face.

"Whoa… you really have a great voice!" The blonde came up to Souichi, making him step back. "It gave me goosebumps! You have to show me how you sing like that!"

"W-wan… to… go…"

"Huh?" The blonde looked up at Isogai, who just waved his hand to signal for him to leave.

"I know. I know. Come on." Isogai rubbed the top of Souichi's back, looking at the two members. "Thank you two for being so supportive. She's just very nervous and isn't good around strangers is all."

"No problem. We don't want to frighten her accidentally." The blonde held up his hand. The brunette nodded in agreement. "Hey, don't be scared by us! I know Tetsuhiro seems scary, but… it looks like he has really accepted you. So, we're all one team now." He called out to Souichi, making the man turn and look back at him; "I look forward to working with you, Sandara." was the last thing he said before walking out of the band room with the brunette.

Souichi gulped and nodded, signaling that he understood what the man had said. He waited until they were all out of the room before rushing to the door and nearly collapsing.

"Are you alright, Souichi-kun?"

"Want… t-to… leave… now…"

"Alright, we will. Come on, stand up. We'll get you back in your own clothes, and I'll buy you some coffee to calm down."

* * *

Souichi practically ran back to the van, wanting to get out of those clothes as quickly as possible. He didn't care that he tripped in the shoes, and he didn't care that Isogai was shouting behind him to slow down and stop running. He wanted to go as far away as possible and as fast as his legs could go. Opening the back of the van, he climbed inside and shut the door, instantly shedding his clothes. The shorts were way too tight, and although they hid his unmentionables fairly well, they hurt his hips and gave him marks on his lower abdomen. The shoes made his heels sore as anything, and his toes had blisters on them. The bandana felt tight on his head and gave him a migraine. The things he did for his family.

Once back in his cardigan and pants and socks, he opened the door back up and climbed out, letting Isogai catch up to him. He stretched, glad to be covered again.

"Are you alright now, Souichi-kun?" Isogai asked innocently. "I brought you some iced coffee."

"Thank you." Souichi sat down on the bumper of the van and took the coffee, drinking a little bit and wincing.

"Bitter? Eh… you'll get used to it."

"I like it."

"How are you feeling?"

"My body hurts and my nerves still won't calm down. I didn't know what the fuck to do, because of you! Thank god it's over. Where's my money, by the way?"

"Ah, right." Isogai reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his checkbook and a pen, scribbling something down on one of the sheets and handing it to Souichi. "All you have to do is take it to the bank and have it cashed. Tell them it's under my name, and if they won't let you, have them call my phone number. I wrote it on the back."

"…Thank you." Souichi took the check and folded it up, slipping it into his cardigan pocket.

"Maa, I was really impressed back there." Isogai sat down next to him. "Not only are your faces alike, but your voices are, too~!"

"Yeah, well, I'm no singer." Souichi muttered and took another sip.

"You did really well. I'm sure Kanako-chan would be extremely grateful to have such an amazing brother."

"I want to go back to the chapel and pray. Then I want to take a nap."

"Alright, alright." Isogai rubbed his nape when his phone started to ring. Taking it out of his pocket, he held it up to his ear and signaled to Souichi to give him a minute. "Yes? …How is she? …Oh …She did? Yes, the contract is all signed, I had her brother fill in for her." He was avoiding Souichi's curious and skeptical glances. "…She what? Oh dear God… how could you let this happen? I left you in charge of her while I was in Japan! Great… how long will it take? …That's a long time… nothing to be done about it, sir. Yep. I'll take care of it." And with that, he hung up, sighed, and wiped his face with his hand.

"What's wrong?" Souichi looked at him and furrowed his eyebrows. "Did something happen to Kanako?"

"Ah…" Isogai tried to stretch the conversation and avoid the question. Of course, he should've expected Souichi's wrenching concern to grow.

"What. Happened. To. Kanako?"

"Aha, Souichi-kun… ah…"

Souichi rolled his eyes. "Well, if you won't tell me, then I'll ask Kanako myself. I'll go cash the check and buy myself a plane ticket to go visit her and Tomoe, make sure they're okay."

"Wh… what?" Isogai looked at him with surprised eyes. "P-plane?"

"Yeah. I don't want to stay here my entire life."

"Y-you can't do that! Y-you can't…!"

Souichi stood up, cocking his head. "Why not?"

Isogai sighed and buried his face in his palms. "Why is my job so stressful…"

"What are you talking about, you bipolar freak?"

Isogai looked up at him. "You can't leave."

"Why?"

"I… I need you to stay here… as Kanako."

"No fucking way." His answer was firm and short.

"Please, Souichi-kun!"

"Why do I have to do that?!" Souichi raised his voice. "I did everything you asked of me for my sister and you wanna put me through _more_?! Why? Tell me, because I'd love to fucking hear it!"

"Because Kanako needs to have surgery!"

He didn't remember what happened first, smashing the plastic cup of coffee on the ground or his fist colliding with Isogai's cheek.

"What the fuck did you do to her, you bastard?!"

"N-nothing, Souichi-kun! I did nothing!"

"Then why the fuck does my little sister need surgery then?! Huh?!"

Isogai sighed. "Please, calm down and I will tell you."

"How about you tell me and I don't calm down?" Souichi crossed his arms. Isogai rubbed his face.

"It's the nodules on her vocal cords. I told her to lay off of the singing, I told her to take it easy, but she didn't listen to me, and now they've swollen so much that she needs surgery to remove them. It's an easy surgery, I assure you! But… she won't be able to join the band until she's completely recovered. She needs to spend two weeks in the hospital while they keep an eye on her condition and will then need two months of rehabilitation to make sure she's back to where she was vocally. Please, Souichi. I need you to do this for her. You know how much this opportunity means to her if she came to you asking you to play as her!"

"I refuse."

"What can I do to make you agree?"

"You can't, my answer is final. No." Souichi stood and walked over to the passenger side of the car. "Don't ask me again."

"How much do I need to pay you?" Isogai came rushing over to stop him from getting in the car. "I will pay you nearly all I have!"

"Che, trying to bribe me? That only worked when it was temporary! But now you… you… want me to gallivant around with these men?! Like some… some prostitute from a brothel?!"

"Souichi, please don't say it that way."

"I thought you were crazy at first, but now you're just twisted. Get out of my sight!" Walking away from the car, he turned and walked down the sidewalk the opposite way.

"Where are you going?"

"To the orphanage."

"Come on Souichi, think about this!"

"I won't!" He whipped around, pulling the knife out of the waist of his pants and flipping it open. "Get. Away. From. Me. I don't want to have anything to do with your sick, twisted ideas! I hate men, I hate them! And what, now you wanna see me exposed as a female? Pervert! And don't think that means that you can tamper around with Kanako!"

"Souichi, please, we can talk this out. All you would need to do is live in the dorms with them and go to the scheduled events like Kanako would until she recovers-"

"No! I don't want to!"

Isogai sighed, obviously not getting anywhere. "Fine." And with that, he got into the van and drove off, leaving Souichi standing on the sidewalk.

Souichi let out something similar to a laugh mixed with a scoff, completely taken aback that now he had no way of getting home. Walking was a bit far, although it would help him stay in shape. Shrugging his shoulders, he decided to walk the three and a half miles to the orphanage.

Who did this man think he was? Walking up to Souichi, tricking him into dressing like a female, then asks him to stay that way? He was obviously a pervert who was just trying to get his fix by staring at Souichi's exposed body. He felt self conscious. Was he really that attractive? No, that was just the disguise working its magic. He was only pretty because he was dressed like a female.

It didn't stop bothering him though. He hoped he would be able to sleep without it keeping him awake, but something in the back of his head doubted it. Why was he even in this situation? Men his age didn't have to go through anything like this.

What was he supposed to do?

* * *

Praying at the chapel didn't help much. He had blessed himself at least five times in the past hour, but he still felt dirty. He felt guilty, like he had just murdered a child and left it on the street to rot. Something was wrong, but he didn't know what. Was he feeling bad about earlier when he left Isogai with no options about what to do with his ill sister? No, it was probably just indigestion.

But the more he thought about Kanako and her surgery, the worse he felt. He wanted her to be safe and happy. He signed the contract for her, shouldn't that be enough? No… he knew he would have to live his live pretending to be her if he wanted her to achieve her dreams. She couldn't sing with a completely cut up throat, it was physically impossible. He felt horrible; he had given up helping her just like that.

But who would actually agree to something like that? Changing their entire gender? That was ridiculous! And what if somebody found out and told everybody? His sister's career would be over. There was no getting out of this. If he agreed, she would get hurt. If he refused, she would get hurt. This was a horrible situation with no resulting good whatsoever. He didn't know what to do.

It was late by the time he decided to leave the chapel, and by the time he had crossed the street and pushed open the doors of the orphanage, every child was already in bed. The Misses were cleaning up the kitchen when he toed off his slippers.

"Oh, Souichi-kun, is that you?" Miss Rina came into the foyer from the kitchen. "You were gone all day, we were worried about you! The kids missed you; they wanted you to tutor them today."

"I'm very sorry, Miss Rina." He bowed. "I had to take care of something. I'll make it up to all of you, I promise."

"Hm, you'd better make it up, Souichi-kun. You're our favorite family member." She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, earning a small smile. "Are you hungry? There's still some rice and pork if you would like any."

"No thank you, I'm alright." Souichi laughed warmly. She nodded and returned to the kitchen to resume cleaning. He bit down on his lip; what was he going to do? Was he going to leave the orphanage and finally experience the outside world? Or was he going to sit here where he was safe with all the children? He didn't know.

"Hey, Miss Rina?" He called out softly. Miss Rina pushed the door halfway open and poked her head out.

"Hm? What's the matter, Souichi-kun?"

"I know that all of you are very open and willing to help me out, but… do you know if there's anybody wise I can talk to? That can give me some good advice?"

"Oh? You need advice? What happened? Did our Souichi-kun finally find love?" She rested against the open door and sighed. "I knew he would eventually."

"No, Miss Rina, that's not it. I just… need some help with my family. I just want to talk to somebody."

"Well, I can get Miss Yuki for you. She's the smartest out of all of us. And she has been with you the longest."

"Thank you, Miss Rina. Thank you." Souichi bowed. "Could you tell her to come to my bedroom whenever she can?"

"I will."

"Thank you."

Wiping his hands nervously on his pants, Souichi blew a puff of air out and walked towards his room. He needed another person's opinion to make sure he wasn't going insane. He couldn't believe his life had come down to this. No other person in the world would be going through this right now and he was positive about it. Why him? He had done nothing but good things and had kissed up to God ever since he was little. He wanted to sleep and not wake up again until everything had blown over. He didn't want anything more to do with his sister's career at this point.

Walking to his bedroom felt like walking into a brick oven. Every step made his anxiety worse and the guilt hadn't gone away.

He sat on his bed and stared out the window at the moon. What should he do?

_Maybe I should call Kanako and try to sort this out…_

_No, no, no… she would only rebuff me and call me an irresponsible brother…_

_Plus… with her vocal nodules… it's not like she can speak much anyway…_

_Ugh, but why would she put me up to this? At least Tomoe has a higher voice… and he's more gullible… why not him…_

It wasn't even a couple minutes later when Miss Yuki knocked on his door and peeked in. "Can I come in?" She said, long black hair falling past her shoulder.

Souichi nodded, signaling her to come in. She pushed past the door, closing it quietly behind her. She wiped her hands on her apron before sitting down next to Souichi.

"Miss Rina told me you wanted to say something to me. What happened, Souichi-kun?"

Souichi sighed. "It's a long, twisted story."

"I have time."

"Well…" He rubbed his nape. "You know how I said I would do anything for my siblings?"

"Everyone knows it, Souichi." She laughed and placed her hand on his knee, rubbing it comfortingly.

"My sister… finally found herself a career. As a singer."

Miss Yuki gasped. "How lovely! Is she good? I hope she gets far."

"She's good, yes. And she got position as a visual back-up singer, but… something happened, and…"

"Is she alright?"

"She… she had nodules on her vocal cords and her agent told her to relax with singing until they healed. But she didn't listen to him and they got worse and now she needs to have surgery. Can you believe that?"

Miss Yuki laughed. "I don't know which one's more shocking, that she needs to have surgery or that she didn't listen to her strict big brother."

Souichi blushed. "Anyway… her agent came to me asking me to disguise myself as her and enter the band while she recovers in the meantime. I refused to. I'm a man, for Heaven's sake. What am I supposed to do? And he wanted me to live in their house with the other members and go to the press conferences and concerts and photo shoots just like Kanako would."

"Well…" She folded her hands in her lap. "It sounds to me like you need to really think about what your will wants. Don't rely on God for this one, Souichi-kun. Look within yourself and think about what Souichi would want. Put your pride aside for your sister. This is all for your sister's sake, and you can chew her out for not listening to you when she's all recovered. But right now, you need to think about what she would want you to do for her."

Souichi looked up at her. "You're… not making fun of me?"

"Why would I make fun of you?" Miss Yuki looked at him with a strange expression. "You've never been anything but loyal and helpful and polite. We've loved you since the day you stepped foot into this orphanage. It doesn't matter to me what you may have to do in your life, even if it means dressing as a female."

"I just didn't hope my life would turn out like this…"

"That's not something you can control, Souichi-kun. Life twists around in mysterious ways, and there's really nothing to do about it. If you want, we will support you the whole way. I could get all the children to go to the concerts to support you. They all love you."

Souichi sighed. "It's just… I'm conflicted. It's just not right."

"Is there anything that's kind of making you want to join? Or are you completely bent on saying no?"

"Well, Kanako said that if she was going to apply for a position as a singer, she would use our mother's middle name as her stage name to try and get our mother to notice that she was famous and come back to us. I still have hope that my mother is out there somewhere, and if Kanako wants to find her then that means that I should help her out and go find her myself. I feel so guilty, I refused everything her agent asked me. I probably just crushed her hopes and dreams, Miss Yuki. What do I do?" He buried his face in his palms.

"Well…" Miss Yuki chuckled softly. "I think you need to really think about your priorities, and I mean sit down and really think about them. You want to do this to find your mother, but your pride is in the way. That much I can see, and that much I can understand. Think about what your sister would want. I know this is a hard decision to make, any person would see that. But is it really all that bad?"

"You know how much I hate men." Souichi narrowed his eyes. "And they want me to live with them. As a _female._ What if they try to force themselves on me? What if they find out that I'm a male and they expose it and it ruins Kanako's career? I'd be the only one she could blame."

"Well, that's exactly why we gave you that pocketknife when you were eleven, Souichi-kun." She laughed at what she thought to be a hilarious statement, but when she saw no change in Souichi's attitude or expression, she cleared her throat and continued. "What about your sister's agent? Isn't he in charge of keeping her safe? And if he wanted you to be your sister, wouldn't he be in charge of keeping you safe?"

"Yes, but I can't just go living my life as a female! That's ridiculous!"

"Souichi-kun. Look at me." Souichi did as she said, looking at her with a wary look as she gently stroked his long hair and he blushed. "You have always been one of my favorite children. You are a very beautiful person, inside and out, and I as well as the rest of us here would never, ever do anything to make you feel shameful. And watching you over these years, every time one of your siblings had left to pursue their own life, you would get beyond upset. You love your family more than you love us, and even I can see that. You have always been the one that would do anything for your family. You gave your sister every cent of your life's savings so she would be able to pursue a career. You've done everything a person could do for their family. You've wanted to leave this orphanage ever since your sister left because you were lonely and felt that it wasn't fair that you couldn't pursue a career like they did. Don't you think this is the chance you've been looking for? You finally have a chance to go out into the real world, to see what everything is like. You finally have a chance to get your mother back. It's a very hard decision, and I think any human would be able to see that. But this is what your sister wants, and this is what she entrusted you with. Don't you think that if she decided to leave this up to you and use you as her cover that she knew you were a capable and responsible big brother? Don't you think that she knew that out of you and your younger brother, you would be the one that could handle it? Maa, Tomoe-kun was always kind of an airhead, so personally I think he'd be the type to expose himself extremely soon. Anyhow, I want you to think about this, Souichi-kun. I don't expect an answer right away, but I'm not sure how much time your sister's agent has to press you about this, so please come up with one within the next few days. We love you. Have a good night, okay?"

Souichi nodded silently, biting his lip as she walked out. She had a valid point. He had been moaning about wanting to leave for a while now. He was very lonely without his siblings here. He loved them more than he loved himself, and he had promised to do anything for them. Was this really the way he had to go? Was this really God's will to put him through this?

Sighing, he fell back onto his bed, shutting his eyes and trying to drift off to sleep. His thoughts ached in his head, and he pressed the balls of his hands to his forehead, groaning sympathetically. Why was he in this situation? Why _him? _

Sleep took him faster than he had initially hoped, as he hadn't even changed his clothes, and something inside of him told him it wouldn't be a calm sleep.

* * *

He woke the next morning feeling a little better, but he still felt guilty. Or maybe he was just really hungry. He hoped it was the second one, and sighed.

Getting out of bed, he showered quickly and changed into a light blue pullover and black pants and socks, brushing his hair with a wire brush. He could smell ham, a sign that they were cooking breakfast. Had he woken up late again?

He made his way down the hall, seeing kids playing and laughing in their bedrooms. They would all turn and say hi to him and wave to him, and he would wave back, feeling flattered that so many people adored him. Miss Yuki was right; the children really loved him. They loved him the way he loved Kanako and Tomoe, and he could vaguely imagine how much these innocent children, christened by the Lord, would do for him. Pushing the door open to the kitchen, he saw Miss Yuki and Miss Rina cooking everybody breakfast.

"Morning." Souichi muttered, running a hand through his damp sandy hair. The Misses turned to him.

"Good morning, Souichi-kun!" Miss Rina smiled, pushing a dirty plate down into the water-filled sink.

"Did you sleep well, Souichi-kun?" Miss Yuki asked, then mouthing to him _"Did you think about what I said?"_

Souichi nodded, walking over to the stove and seeing four very large pans cooking their breakfast. "Ham and eggs?"

"Mhm~!" Miss Yuki hummed in singsong. "Your favorite! I figured we'd make it just for you. After all, you're going through a tough time right now."

"Miss Yuki told me what happened, Souichi-kun. And please, don't ever be embarrassed around us! We're here to support you one-hundred percent!"

"I hope you don't think I'm crazy…" He muttered, picking up the spatula and pushing the egg-covered ham slices around in the large pans, being careful not to burn them. The Misses had tried to teach him how to cook for as long as he could remember, but it was something he could never successfully pick up.

"Oh, certainly not!" Miss Rina said, flicking her hand. "We would never think that, Souichi-kun." Did Miss Yuki tell Miss Rina about his problem and their conversation last night? He hoped not; although they were very trustworthy women, it was just so embarrassing to have people know about something like this.

"Where's Miss Kimi?" Souichi muttered turning his head a little bit.

"She's out in the garden weeding the grass. We sent her out not long ago, saying that she needed something to do." Miss Yuki turned and looked at Souichi. "Oh… I'm sorry, did you want to weed the garden?"

"Nah, it's fine."

"So," Miss Yuki smacked her hands together and turned to face Souichi. "Did you ever come up with a conclusion?"

Souichi sighed. "I only have one option, don't I?"

"Maa, don't put it that way, Souichi-kun. Enjoy it while you can. You should go tell the children in the meantime so they don't get upset and wonder where you went off to."

"Thank you, Miss Yuki." Souichi bowed and stepped out of the kitchen, rubbing his face with one hand. He had to say goodbye to everybody, something he didn't know if he was mentally prepared to do, but he had no choice.

He went to Mika's room first, feeling most comfortable with telling her out of everybody else. Mika was the one that reminded him of his sister the most.

Knocking on her doorframe gently, he watched as her head turned towards him.

"Souichi-sama!" She shrieked and ran up to him, latching herself onto his waist. The action took the breath out of him as he raised his hand to rub the back of her hair.

"Hey, Mika…"

"I missed you so much! Where did you go?! Don't leave again!"

Souichi chuckled warmly, kneeling down to look at her face.

"Well, Mika… we have to talk about that…"

"T-talk?" Her dark eyes got wide. "What do you mean?"

"Come on. Sit on your bed." He patted her on the back as she crawled onto her bed, taking one of her stuffed animals and wrapping her arms around it.

"What's wrong?"

Souichi sighed. "I might be leaving soon."

"L… leaving? But… why would you wanna leave? We love you here!"

"I know, Mika, and it's not because of you. I promise you."

Mika pouted, wanting to cry. "Do you hate us?"

"No. I couldn't hate you." Souichi smiled at her, ruffling her hair. "I'm having a little bit of trouble with my family, and I might need to leave soon."

"Will you come back?" Now he could see tears in her eyes, something he didn't want. He felt his heart ripping in half inside his chest. He never wanted to make her upset like this; he wanted to tell her that he wouldn't be around anymore, but he wanted to do it nicely and carefully so she wouldn't get hurt.

"Of course I will. Don't cry." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and caressed her back lovingly. "I don't want you to cry, Mika. I'll always come back for you."

"You will?"

"I will." He told her, pushing her hair past her ears. "And I need you to do me a favor. Since I don't have enough time to go tell everybody myself, I need you to tell them that I'm leaving. I don't want them to panic when I suddenly disappear."

"I can do that for Souichi-sama!" Mika clapped her hands together. "I promise."

"Promise me that you will?" Souichi held out his pinky, watching as she hooked her pinky around his. It caused him to smile and want to cry with her.

"I promise." Mika smiled widely, hugging Souichi's stomach.

"Are you hungry?" Souichi asked. "The Misses are making breakfast."

"Ooh, what kind? I hope it's something good!"

"It's my favorite. Go on. Go set the table."

"Are you coming, Souichi-sama?"

"I will. I just have to make a phone call real quick. You go on ahead, go set the table. Do it well!" Souichi called out as she ran down the hall to the dining room. Chuckling softly, his smile suddenly fell as he thought about calling Isogai. This could very easily be the worst decision he could ever make. This could very easily put Kanako in a hell of a lot of jeopardy, and could get her kicked out if they found out that Souichi was pretending to be her. But this was what he had to do. Even if it was a lose-lose situation, he severely hoped at least some good would come out of it.

Walking back into his bedroom and picking up the cell phone off of his nightstand, he fished through his cardigan pocket from yesterday and pulled out Isogai's written check. Flipping it over, he dialed the number into the phone and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Taichirou Isogai?" Souichi muttered unsurely, staring at the check in his hand.

"Speaking. Who is this?"

"Souichi."

"Ah, Souichi-kun~. What did you want?"

Souichi bit down on his lip, tapping the phone gently with his fingers. Biting out the words was a lot harder than he thought.

Getting slightly suspicious about the silence, Isogai spoke again. "Did you call me to talk about Kanako? Maa, she's still not any better, but she didn't get any worse, thankfully. Her surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning at a hospital in Los Angeles. Don't worry, the doctor is one of the best in the country, and I've paid him a lot to make sure he takes extremely good care of her."

"Actually…" Souichi gulped. "I'll do what you asked."

"Huh?" Souichi could practically hear him smirking.

"I'll do it. I'll become Kanako."

"You'll disguise yourself as Kanako and live in the dorms?"

"I already told you I would, so don't mention it again! Where do I need to go?"

Isogai laughed on the other line. "Meet me outside the office below the staircase. Dress like yourself. I'll bring your clothes. There's a press conference today that you must attend as Sandara. All you have to do is dress and show up; you won't need to speak if you don't want to. The members might try to talk to you, but I'll assure the press that you're still getting over your new member jitters."

"I still can't believe you're making me do this…" Souichi muttered as he shoved the folded check back into his cardigan pocket.

"You can do it, Souichi-kun. I just know Kanako would be rooting for you if she could."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll be at the office at 5 PM. Do you need me to bring my stuff?"

"Eh, I would bring everything you're close to. If you have pictures of your family, anything from your siblings, things you don't want to get rid of. Don't bring any of your clothes; they'll question why you have them. Don't worry about it, Souichi-kun. I'll get you a stylist and they'll buy you all the clothes you need."

"It better not be a male. And didn't I tell you to stop calling me that?"

Isogai laughed. "See you at 5 PM, Souichi-kun."

And that was that. The call went dead and Souichi practically threw the phone onto his bed. Why was he doing this? Why was he seriously doing this? He wanted to take the knife and stab himself, now that he thought about it. Reaching for his wrist, he pulled the black band off and tied his hair back with it. Grabbing a dark woolen hat, he slung it over the top of his hair. He didn't want people from the agency to recognize him without his disguise.

Letting out a shaky breath, he opened his closet door and pulled out a suede satchel. Pulling the flap up, he looked around his room for things to put in the bag. The picture of him with Kanako and Tomoe, his money bank, Mika's drawing of them…

He didn't want to go. The more he put into the satchel, the more he dreaded his decision. He bit his lip, listening to the sounds of laughing children from down the hall. He did want to take a couple of his clothes, just so he would have something to make him feel at least a bit comfortable. Digging through his drawers and pulling out a few pairs of white briefs, he stuffed them into the bottom of the satchel so they wouldn't be noticeable. He opened another drawer and pulled out a couple of pocketed cardigans, a red one and a gray one, something he loved to wear. The off-white one he wore yesterday was dirty, but he pulled it out of the hamper and shoved it into the bag anyway. He would get the stylist to wash it for him.

Sighing, he closed the dresser drawer, took one last look around the bedroom he had grown up in, and slung the satchel over his shoulder and walked out of the room.

He didn't imagine leaving home would feel this terrifying. Not only was he going to miss all of the children that wanted him to tutor them, but he was changing his entire life now. Living as a female was not something he had ever had in mind, but it wasn't like he had much of a choice.

* * *

Isogai met him by the bottom of the stairs, holding a black vinyl bag, just like he said he would. His throat felt dry and tight; he didn't want to do this. He _really _didn't want to do this.

"Can I die yet?" Souichi mumbled, hazel eyes cast to the ground.

"Not quite yet, _Sandara._" Isogai smirked. "Come on. We have half an hour until the press conference in the office. I'll take you to the restroom, you can get washed up and changed."

"Don't think that you're fucking coming in there and helping me."

"Nah, I'll wait for you outside~." Isogai patted him on the back and motioned for him to climb the stairs, following Souichi from behind. "The agency is throwing a celebratory party tonight at the club down the street to congratulate your admittance."

"A party?" Souichi had never been to a party before, not unless it was one of the birthday parties that they would throw at the orphanage with a cake and candles and little presents that children would buy with their allowance and were usually a small box of chocolates or a pack of gum or a slinky.

"Don't worry. Just go, talk to some people, have a drink or two, and have a good time. I'll bring your clothes for the party, don't worry about it."

"I don't drink alcohol." Souichi mumbled, stopping at the top of the stairs and turning to look at Isogai. "It's a sin."

"Come on, Souichi-kun. You can't have fun unless you drink. You'll like it, trust me! I know you will!" Isogai smiled and clapped his hands together.

"This is so ridiculous…"

"Maa, come on, it's for Kanako-chan. Okay, here." Isogai handed Souichi the black bag. "Your clothes and accessories are all in here. If you need any help, you can just ask me. I know you don't want me to help you in any way, you don't want me to touch you, but if you can't figure out how to put something on I can at least tell you from the other side of the door."

"Standing outside my door? Not unless you're at least a foot from the door." Souichi grumbled. Taking the bag, he peered inside it very quickly. All he could see was white lace and he wanted to die. It was probably a dress, something he would die before he would wear.

"Would you like me to take your bag?" Isogai motioned to Souichi's side. Souichi looked down at his arm, noticing that he was still carrying the satchel. He nodded in understanding and removed the bag, placing it in Isogai's waiting hand.

"Don't touch anything in there."

"Ah, I won't if you don't want me to." Isogai smiled at him. "Now come on. We have to get you changed and ready. The restroom is down this hall, the first door on the right," Isogai pointed to the left curved hallway, where Souichi's eyes followed. "It's a unisex bathroom, so please use a stall or lock all of the doors. Once you're all changed and ready, there is a door to the far right end that opens into the side of the office. It will be dark and there will be a lot of reporters with cameras, so please do not get frightened."

"Stop treating me like I'm a little girl." Souichi growled, glaring at him.

"And another thing." Isogai snapped his fingers excitedly. "Please lay off of the cursing and bad attitude. Your sister was friendly and cheerful, so please at least try to be like her. You can act like Souichi all you want in your free time, but at professional meetings like this, we need you to act, well… professional."

"Fine, now can you leave me alone?"

"Alright, alright. Go on. I'll stay out here."

* * *

**It's my birthday so I decided to give you guys a free chapter of this ( :**

**Review!**


	3. Part 1-3

"Alright, alright. Go on. I'll stay out here."

He wanted to shake the black bag until it ruptured and everything fell out on the floor so he could step all over it. He knew he was acting childish, but he just couldn't stop hating every part of this twisted plan. Biting his lip and shoving his pride aside, he strode over to the restroom door, knocking on it quickly before opening and shutting it, turning the lock.

Setting the bag down on the floor under the sink, he placed his palms on the cold counter and sighed. This was going to be the life he lived from now on. Pretending who he was just to please the world. It was unfair; he wanted to be himself.

He wished nothing in this world had ever happened. He wished his mother had never left them when they were babies. He wished his father had never died. He wished Tomoe had never been gay. He wished he had never let Kanako join the music industry. Every single horrible thing that has ever occurred to him came back to haunt him in those very seconds.

"Can't believe I'm actually willingly doing this…"

Looking around at the dull red of the tiled wall, the dim lights, and the spotless mirror above the curved sink, he couldn't hate himself more. He had always loved the way he looked, had always loved his face and body and hair, but now he hated them. He hated them because he was showing them off surreptitiously. It wasn't he who the world would be impressed by from now on, but his sister. That just wasn't right.

"Ah, well… gotta do this shit sooner or later…"

Combing his fingers through his long hair, his eyes drifted back down to the bag on the floor. He didn't even want to look through it, but he knew he had to. Pursing his lips, he bent down to pick up the bag and dumped the contents onto the counter, crinkling the loud vinyl of the bag. Everything that Isogai had picked up for him came tumbling out, and he wanted to look away and never look back.

He gingerly picked up the fabric piece by piece, grimacing as he sorted them out; a set of white lace lingerie, skin-colored socks, white boots, some kind of a white top without sleeves, a white leather jacket, and a white lace skirt with white shorts underneath.

"Oh god…" Souichi scoffed and blessed himself. "Can't believe this…"

"Hey, Souichi-kun?" Isogai called from behind the door. "I left you with a wire brush, a hair band and a white bandana if you want to tie your hair up. Or if you can't do it by yourself, I could help you with it."

"Yeah, thanks." Souichi muttered loud enough for Isogai to hear him. "Not that I necessarily need your help." He had years of experience with doing the little girls' hair back at the orphanage, specifically Mika and his friend Kim. They always said he was good at caring for hair, and always wanted him to braid it or to deep condition it.

"Well, if you do, just say so."

Souichi scowled and walked over to both doors, making sure they were shut and locked tight, before returning in front of the mirror and stripping off his clothes.

He most certainly didn't want to put on the lingerie, especially since there was a skirt, but he didn't want to take chances and have an accidental slip. They looked small enough to hold everything in place…

He winced as he slid the panties up his legs where they stopped at his hips. They were tight, just as he expected, and he had to adjust himself to make sure everything was comfortable yet snug in the right places. He had to look away when slipping the straps of the bra past his shoulders; he didn't want to see himself doing such a thing.

"How do I… hold this up… never mind… not my problem…"

The shirt was strapless and was barely four or five inches long. He couldn't even call it a shirt. Experimenting with ways to slide the stretchy cotton on, he found it easiest to maneuver it up his legs and past his hips to his chest, experimentally pulling the fabric over the cups of the bra and adjusting it.

"How do people wear things this uncomfortable…"

"Pain is beauty, Souichi-kun. Don't worry, this is just for now. After tonight's party, I'll get you a stylist who will make sure to take your measurements and get you some clothes that are custom-fit."

Sighing, Souichi reached for the lace skirt. It was layered, which was good. The white shorts underneath looked just as short as those black ones he wore at the contract signing. On top of the shorts was an almost see-through layer of white cotton, and on top of that was the thick white lace. He put his pride aside and slid the skirt up his legs and over the underwear, making sure it fit properly and nothing was hanging out that shouldn't. The fabric went up past his belly button and stopped right under his rib cage, just two or three inches of skin exposed between the skirt and the top. The layers of the skirt stopped right below his butt, and he couldn't believe that he had actually accepted to do this.

Looking in the mirror, he felt so ashamed and naked. It wasn't cold in the room but he felt goosebumps rising on his skin. His fingers played with his mother's wedding ring on his ring finger. This was for Kanako, and for finding their mother. That was the only reason he agreed to this in the first place.

He reached down and pulled the socks onto his feet before pushing them into the shiny vinyl of the boots. They went above his knee and hugged his skin in ways he didn't want. They were heeled also which made everything that much worse; he could barely handle the sandals he had to wear at the contract signing. He wasn't ready to walk in fucking high heels.

Nearly getting his skin caught a few times, he zipped up the vinyl boots, pulling their hems to judge the flexibility. All that was left was the jacket, which he slipped over his arms, comfortable with the amount of clothing he was wearing. He definitely could've preferred being covered in different ways, but given the circumstances, this was good enough.

He picked up the brush and ran it through his long hair, making sure it was smooth and untangled. Taking a hold of the white hair band and placing it between his teeth, he took a handful of his hair and brushed it upwards, hoisting it into a high ponytail. He made sure it was neat and tidy before tying it with the band and brushing out his bangs with his fingers. He hadn't realized how much he was leaning over the countertop and how close his face was to the mirror. He really wished he could have glasses or something, something to help him see at least a little bit better.

Tying the bandana around the hair band, he found it looked strange from a couple angles, and changed the position of it at least four times. Somewhat satisfied at how cleanly he had dressed himself up, he tucked his male clothes into the black vinyl bag and unlocked the door.

Isogai was facing away from him but heart the opening and closing of the bathroom door. Turning, he let out a low breath, impressed by the sight of female Souichi.

"Don't stare at me like that. It's creepy." Souichi muttered, holding out the bag for Isogai to take.

"You really look like a nineteen-year-old woman. I think if I didn't know you were Kanako's brother, I would assume you were her sister, Souichi-kun."

"That doesn't exactly make me feel good about myself."

Isogai sighed. "Forgive me. But, this needs to happen, doesn't it? Maa, not much we can do… So, are you ready for your grand unveiling?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

It was dark out by the time the press conference had started, and the paparazzi were swarming the office. President Ito rushed to fix his suit in-between handshakes with different reporters. Some of them he recognized; Kim Suhee from the local news station, Minji Narita from the weather station, various street reporters that he'd greeted once or twice, Kora Saito from the national news station. Most of them were just low-paid journalist interns who were told to snap as many pictures as possible. Their main job was to find incriminating photos, something hardly noticeable by most people.

Souichi was nervous. No, nervous was an understatement. He felt physically unable to breathe. What if they knew he was a male at first sight? What if they saw what was under his skirt and took secret photos? What if some of the members knew he was a male already?

Isogai had led him back through the restroom to the door in the back right. He could see what felt like one hundred reporters gathered around the president, most of the reporters' attention focused on a white press table covered in a TN Entertainment cloth. Microphones were fixed on four parallel spots, wine glasses perched next to each one.

"Ah, Reporter Sho!" President Ito went up to a shorter, slightly fatter man with clear glasses. "How have you been?"

"Hm, absolutely _starving _for news like this!" Reporter Sho shook Ito's hand, adjusting the camera around his neck. "I can't believe that TNShi agreed to have a new member! And a female one at that!"

"Yeah, well, it took a lot of convincing on Tetsuhiro's end, but we pulled it off." Ito laughed, eyes slitting. "He's awfully stubborn when he wants to be."

"Whoa, I can't imagine the type of publicity that they'll get for this. A-And I hear she's the new visual? She'll be spreading the angelic message of the band?"

"Yes indeed, and we chose her out of hundreds of people based on her voice and looks! She's even more stunning than in pictures!"

"Wow, you saw her in person already?" Sho frowned, adjusting his glasses. "You're lucky. Maa, I wonder how tall she is. Ooh, and if she has a nice body~!"

"Hahaha, she's a real looker, trust me on that." Ito clapped the man on the back as his attention was drawn to the office double doors from the hallway, as the three members came in.

"Ah, they're here!" The press screamed excitedly, the rapid clicking of cameras ringing out in the air. Flashes went off like strobe lights as the members would raise their hands or turn their heads towards the reporters, flashing a small smile.

President Ito picked up a microphone from one of the stands on the press table, signaling to dim the lights, the light centering on the band conference table. Loud movement filled the empty round room as reporters scrambled into a mass of silent cameras.

"Ah, yes, welcome to our annual TNShi press conference here at the TN Entertainment office!" President Ito smiled and waved his arm towards the band table, where the members were sitting. "And here, today, we will introduce our newest member! Yes, our new member will share vocals with our lead vocalist, Morinaga Tetsuhiro here."

Tetsuhiro stood as the press began to clap and snap their cameras, straightening his white vest, pushing the sleeves of his white button-up to his elbows before holding up his hand in a subtle wave. He was wearing off-white jeans with white chains and white boots.

"All of the members," Ito continued, "have already met the new member at her admittance contract signing. Supporting her, we had our main guitarist and bassist, Ikeda Hiroto," Cameras clicked and shuttered once again as Hiroto stood and waved with a soft smile. He was wearing a white pullover with a white suit jacket and crisp white pants with white vinyl loafers. "And our drummer, Kimura Yamaguchi!" Yamaguchi stood, waving with a bright smile and bowing slightly, flipping his blonde hair. He was wearing a simple white suit with white wrist cuffs and a white hat. "And now… without keeping you waiting any longer… our newest member, Tatsumi Sandara!" Shifting of reporters once again clouded the silence as everyone drew their attention to the closed door on the wall beside the table. Souichi knew they wanted him to come out, he knew. He could hear the sudden silence and hear what President Ito was saying. He was supposed to push the button and watch the panels of the door slide open as hundreds of cameras clicked and flashed his way.

But he didn't want to.

This was the moment of truth, the moment where they would discover whether Souichi was a male in disguise or if they would buy the disguise and accept him as a woman. His heart was beating faster than he could blink, and swallowing did nothing to moisten his throat. What if everyone hated him? What if the members knew he was a fake? No… he was just being paranoid… he hadn't even had any real pictures taken of him yet.

The anxiety was too much. The fact that everyone was waiting for him to come out and it was his fault that their buttons were being pushed and they were getting impatient. He could see the other members' faces turn towards him through the tiny crack in the door. Suddenly his hair hurt, and he wanted to scratch his head and free his long hair. No, he had to do this.

He had to do this.

Could he really do this?

Turning, he looked at Isogai, who was busy smiling at him ever so softly and ushering him with his hand. He wanted the man to save him from this situation, but it was his fault he was in this situation in the first place.

Biting his lip, Souichi turned back to the closed door. He took a deep breath, feeling every muscle in his body tense, and raised his hand as his fingers swept across the cool plastic of the button.

_Just press it. Press it and get it over with. Don't keep them waiting any longer._

"Why isn't anyone coming out?" The reporters murmured.

"Where is she?"

"Why isn't the door opening?"

President Ito laughed nervously and scratched his nape. Tetsuhiro simply smirked and turned his head, looking accomplished. He knew Sandara wouldn't be able to handle the limelight of life once she came across _him. _

Souichi couldn't take it anymore, and forced his fingers to push the plastic button. Immediately the panels slid open and the loud rapid clicking of cameras rose like screams of children.

The light was blinding and he wanted to hide now that he was completely exposed. He had nothing to hide behind anymore, and he couldn't move. He could see the other band members staring at him, and that made him feel all that much worse.

He felt… proud. He actually did it, and he was actually taking responsibility for everything that could happen. Taking a few steps forward, he stopped a couple of feet from the mass of reporters, giving them a small weary scowl as he absentmindedly fingered the silver band on his finger.

He couldn't believe he had done this. He couldn't believe they were _buying it. _

So this was what fame was like. Standing still and being photographed made you a big deal, and you really didn't have to do any real work. No… he still had to record with them… shit.

Yamaguchi's hand collided with Hiroto's arm, and the brunette looked at him. "Maa, when she's dressed up like that, she's so pretty!"

Hiroto chuckled. "Maybe so, but ye know that Tetsuhiro and I like men. Girls are a'right with me once in a while, but ya know how Tetsuhiro despises women."

"Yeah. I don't know why he doesn't tell his fan club that; he's got so many young girls gawking at him. Maa, it's probably just for publicity." Yamaguchi pouted. "Ah, she's so cute!"

Souichi glanced towards the table, noticing all three members staring intently at him and blushed, lips curling into a frown. Suddenly he didn't feel so proud.

Glancing at Tetsuhiro, Yamaguchi could see that the man was looking everywhere but at Sandara. He felt uneasy and awkward, being the only one really enjoying the meeting.

President Ito laughed loudly and walked up to Souichi, startling him. "Nice, nice! Wow, we're so grateful to have you join our company, Sandara!"

Souichi chuckled nervously. "T-thank… you." He tried to bite out with the most feminine voice he could muster.

"Come, sit down." Ito motioned to the conference table and patted the chair at the side of the table closest to him, next to where Tetsuhiro was.

_Oh God._

_Any seat but that one._

Unfortunately, he had no such luck as he was pushed towards the table, nearly falling in the boots, and awkwardly looked at the ground while sliding into the chair. He could hear the man next to him shifting uncomfortably in his chair as well.

_At least he's calm about it._

_Che, why am I getting so worked up?!_

Souichi tried to focus on the President's pointless babbling to the press as he motioned to the members and talked about each of them separately.

He couldn't resist glancing out of the corner of his eye, peeking at the man with the black hair next to him. He regretted it when he saw that the man was looking at him as well, and felt self conscious that he could see through the disguise.

"You smell like men's shampoo." The man muttered aimlessly. Souichi could feel his heart stop.

"W-wha…?"

"Kuroya Shampoo, Collection 13, scent number 5." The man tapped his pen on the table and stared at the President. "Women don't normally smell that way."

Souichi didn't understand how he hadn't passed out yet. Whispering in response, he came up with, "A… ha… a… th-that's… I was… with my boyfriend before this." Oh God that went on the list for the absolute gayest thing he never thought he would say. He thanked himself for speaking so lowly; the President's loud voice drowned out his stupidity. What if one of the reporters heard and started asking him for interviews with his so-called "boyfriend"? This was just one giant mouse trap after another.

"I'm sure you were." The man mumbled, tapping the pen on the point repeatedly. "Next time, if you're going to make an appearance at a press conference, make sure you're _presentable._"

Souichi frowned, giving a sideways glare towards the man. Right… he had to use feminine toiletries from now on. Now he understood why Isogai said not to bring any of his things. God, if only he wasn't so stupid. If only his sister wasn't such a good singer and actually decided to focus on university.

"She has been in training for almost a year, and with such little professional help, she has managed to beat 450 other trainees to become our new member!" President Ito rambled as he paced back and forth in front of the conference table, clearly delighted with the intrigued flashing of every camera in the room. "She will, initially do back-up vocals while Tetsuhiro does lead, and will perhaps learn back-up piano as well."

Souichi could hear the man shift next to him. _Tetsuhiro, was that his name? Not a very threatening name… why does he try to act all tough with me?_

"As the agency President," Ito stopped pacing, "I request this of you. Please, take care of us. We work very hard to ensure that we will be putting out wonderful music for you all to hear. We had initially decided to accept a fourth male member, but after a little consideration, we decided to sweeten our music style up by adding a female. As she is new, please try to refrain from taking candid pictures of our newest member; it'll make her frightened." He didn't know why he even said that; it was a reporter's job to take candid pictures.

More voices and camera clicks invaded the air once again, the sound seeming to never end. After having spent his entire life in a quiet building, Souichi wanted to cover his ears. The sound was louder than anything he had experienced before, even louder than a few noisy children. He hesitantly reached for his hair and played with his bangs, suddenly stopping when he saw Tetsuhiro's face turn towards him.

_What's that expression for?_

"Alright, please finish up taking your pictures and we will head out. Feel free to join us at the congratulatory welcome party at 9 PM down at the Wall Street House. We look forward to pleasing you with our music! A-ha!"

Souichi was antsy. He wanted to leave and leave _now. _When he noticed the other members pushing out their chairs, he realized that was his signal to leave, and clumsily pushed out his chair and stood. He dusted himself off, trying to play his embarrassment off, and practically skipped to the restroom.

"Hey, Sandara!" President Ito called out, stopping Souichi, who slowly turned around. "Where are you going? Aren't you going to your own congratulatory party?"

"Eh… ah… b-bathroom first!" He stuttered in his feminine voice, knocking on the panels for Isogai to open them. He could feel the members staring awkwardly at him, and when he decided that he wasn't going to get any response, he ran to the double doors and out into the hallway.

"That was way too close…" He whispered to himself, smacking the side of his head. "God dammit, why do I of all people have to go through this?"

"Because you're the only sibling that closely resembles Kanako-chan."

The voice scared him half to death, and with a loud yelp he nearly fell backwards, catching sight of Isogai smirking right behind him. The bright light of the lit hallway made him feel naked, and he scrambled to stand up and pull his jacket over himself.

"I can't believe you got me to do this!" Souichi whispered, glaring at him. "And what for anyway? They hate me already. How is this supposed to be fun or whatever you think it is?"

"Maa, Souichi-kun. It's only been a couple of hours. You need to get used to it." Isogai grinned and stuck his hands in his trouser pockets. "Don't tell me you don't want a drink or two down at the club? I'll even pay for it~."

Souichi frowned. "Drinking is a sin."

"Aw, come on, you can't even have fun now that you're finally out of that convent?" Isogai's arm was around his shoulders before he could even register it happening, and his face pinked. "I told you to trust me, didn't I? I'm covering you this whole way."

"I don't care."

"Mmm, don't pout~!"

They walked slowly towards the rear office entrance, where the restroom was. Souichi wasn't in the mood to talk; why would he want to have a full conversation in this situation anyway? He hated fucking everybody and everything right about now.

"All we have to do is get you fixed up just a tiny bit and I'll drive you over there in my van. Yes?" Isogai stopped and bent down to look at Souichi's face.

"Are you kidding? I have to keep this stupid get-up on for another three hours?"

Isogai laughed. "Come on, Souichi-kun. Don't have bad thoughts like that. The alcohol will take away your pain registration. Trust me."

"You may damn well be the sickest man I have ever met." His response was low and monotone. "Get me some alcohol already. I want to forget this night."

Just as he spoke, the other three members came flooding out of the restroom entrance, causing him to jump back.

"Oh, Sandara!" Yamaguchi ran up to Souichi and took his hand. He had never come in contact with another man like this, and he couldn't even move. He could feel his blood pressure spiking, as the hatred grew more and more. "You were so pretty out there! Aw, you'll look so good as our visual~~!"

"Ye, she will." Hiroto agreed with a smirk.

Tetsuhiro cocked his head and inhaled. "Hopefully she'll rid herself of her manly scent before she gets drunk."

Oh the _nerve_ this man had.

"Maa, Tetsuhiro, that's not nice!" Yamaguchi smacked him on the bicep. "Sandara didn't do anything to you. She probably just got some cologne on her. Leave her alone."

Smirking, Tetsuhiro met Souichi's eyes and stared into them, causing the man-in-disguise to blush. It was a taunting, destructive stare, something that had made him famous in the past. When their faces had been put on band merchandise and polls had been spread around their fan clubs, the one asset that they cherished most about him was his eyes and his stare.

"Well," Tetsuhiro laughed dryly, leaning in towards Souichi's face. "If she decides to get drunk, I'm sure that won't necessarily be the case anymore." Souichi could smell the expensive manly cologne invading his personal space, and he flinched. Tetsuhiro didn't say anything else before walking out of the curved hallway, the other members following suit.

Souichi's heart wouldn't stop beating so fast. That man had gotten so treacherously close to him, and Isogai had simply stood back to watch! What if the man pushed him against the wall at that very moment and had taken advantage of him? He cursed himself for forgetting to hide his pocketknife somewhere in the skirt; he had left it in the black vinyl bag with his regular clothes. He wished he still had it on him so he could show these men that he wasn't something that could be pushed around like a toy.

He wasn't scared; being scared of a man? That wasn't him. He was nervous that they knew who we was just at first glance. Thankfully they didn't seem to, which was good. At least this plan was working. He wanted Kanako to be recovered already and to come back so he could leave. He had enough money to go to America and visit Tomoe and study, but he was stuck here.

"Come on, Souichi." Isogai tugged on his arms once they were alone. "We have a few hours until the party. Wanna check out the house?"

* * *

By the time the van had pulled back up in front of the sidewalk, Souichi had changed into his regular clothes in the back seat – although he had to keep the bra and panties on. This day just kept on forgiving, didn't it?

"Alright, Souichi-kun. You're free to explore the whole house." Isogai looked in the mirror at Souichi's eyes. "All of the clothes and accessories and makeup you should need, shall you choose to use them, are in the group closet as well as the main bathroom pantry. Each bedroom has its own fully-functional bathroom, since you'll probably be stiff about privacy. The members are already in the house, so please keep it in mind to act like a female."

"Whatever." Souichi mumbled, blushing slightly. "But how will I know which bedroom is mine?"

"Hm…" Isogai exhaled. "Well, I'm sure one of the members will show you, yes?"

"Show me?" He growled out. That didn't sound pleasant in the least. God knows what those men wanted to _show _him.

Isogai laughed and closed his eyes. "Maa, Souichi-kun. You're playing them off as horrible people."

"Because they _are _horrible people."

"Eh, not really." Isogai shrugged. "I've known Tetsuhiro since he was a child, and they were all practically childhood best friends." Turning halfway around in the driver's seat, he faced Souichi. "Let me tell you a little bit of a story. When this whole band thing took off in the beginning, the boys had just come out of training at the age of 17. Tetsuhiro and Hiroto had been extremely close friends, and Yamaguchi had been accepted as a drummer about a month and a half after they named the band. Tetsuhiro was a charming, eccentric young man, but has a very serious parent complex. He never had a father; not really sure why. His birth date was completely unknown, so he goes by a fake birthday to make the world happy. It's rumored that only he and his mother, who nobody knows except him, know his birthday."

_His mother… who nobody knows?_

Yeah, that definitely sounded familiar.

He didn't even want to look at the man whom he had hated since they first laid eyes, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of obligation towards him. This Tetsuhiro person hated the world, but Souichi knew that feeling more than well enough. He had hated the world for years when his siblings left him, because it felt like every single family member he had was gone. Growing up without a mother or a father was a scar that took a long time to heal, but eventually it did. Even so, the sudden mentions of his mother coming into play with Kanako's career seemed to dig at the old wound, and he could feel it bleeding ever so slowly.

"So, what I'm trying to say," Isogai waved his hand as he spoke, "is that, even though they act like they're the most perfect things in the world, they're really not."

"That's not really any of my business…" Souichi muttered, picking up the bag from the seat and opening the door, climbing out of the car and stopping when Isogai rolled down his window.

"If you're going to live with them, it'll become your business." Isogai smiled. "Now, once you find your bedroom, please hide your real clothes somewhere safe. I can talk with the stylist and they'll get you all-new sleep clothes. Don't worry, we'll make sure you like them, but they can't be too masculine. You understand?"

Souichi shrugged. "Do I really have a choice here?"

"Don't think of it that way, Souichi-kun. Even though you're here without any obligation, we at least want you to somewhat enjoy it. Okay?"

"I really doubt that's going to happen."

Isogai sighed. "I can't force you to enjoy it, either. Well, I've already given you all the advice I could possibly give somebody in this case. The dorm building is the one past that gate, next door to the office building. It should be pretty obvious how to get into the house, but if you by some chance get lost, all you have to do is walk up the stairs, go across the wooden porch and enter the sliding glass doors. The living room should be right there, and the members will probably be either sitting down or eating in the kitchen. Please don't be afraid of them. You know you can always contact me if there's a problem, though. And I will do my best to get it sorted out for you. Okay? And the key to open the gate is in your bag. Good luck, Souichi-kun." He turned the keys in the ignition to start the engine back up, listening to the loud rev of the van's engine, when Souichi stopped him.

"Wait!" Souichi wailed suddenly, trying to shove his hand down on the rising glass window. The movement of the window paused as he spoke. "How are _they _getting to the party?" He motioned to the gold gate of the dorm building. "What if they ask me to go with them? What if they try to take advantage of me in the back of their vehicle?!"

_The mind of this man, _Isogai thought as he shook his head.

"Maa, just tell them that you're nervous about being so near them this early into your career and that your agent volunteered to drive you and take you home. Alright? I'll pick you up at 9 PM, and please be dressed nicely. Enjoy the party, Souichi-kun." And with that, he slowly pulled out of the parking slot and drove off.

Staring at where the van had been, Souichi found himself unable to move for a few seconds. His mind decided to work when it started to get cold outside and the sky had just dipped to a violet color. Looking down at the black vinyl bag in his hands, he noticed that Isogai had placed his satchel in the side of the bag, and his eyes wandered to the gold gate of the dorm building. He had to do this. He was about to do this.

He couldn't do this.

Staring for a few more seconds, he noticed what looked to be two lines of people sitting along the sidewalk just outside the gate. _Why didn't I notice them before? Were they always there?_

He hid the bag behind his rear and stepped up the wide sidewalk, taking step by step down the concrete. The people seemed to be talking amongst themselves, like they hadn't noticed his presence. Weren't they cold? It wasn't a cold month, but it was evening.

_It's late… why aren't they at home? Who are these people? If they've been here for a while, aren't they hungry?_

He shook his head and kept walking, taking deep breaths. What if they recognized him? What if they were people he knew? What if the press pictures had already been uploaded and they recognized him as Sandara?

Looking closer, he noticed it to be a group of maybe twenty teenage girls on each side of the sidewalk, kneeling and chatting with paper charm sticks in their hands. What the…?

He began to pass the line of girls when they began to draw their attention to him, and it made his chest tighten. _Don't notice me, don't notice me, don't notice me, don'tnoticemedon'tnoticemedon'tnoticeme._

"Hey, Miss," Someone called out to him, stopping the mutters of the other girls and he slowly turned around, nearly forgetting that he was still in female costume. A young female had stood up, one as tall as him with a thin shapely body and ginger plaid jeans with a white shirt. She had long curly brown hair and a big hair bow with plastic painted wings on her back. "Are you lost?"

"Uh…" Souichi murmured, trying to raise the pitch of his voice so they wouldn't grow suspicious. "I-I'm… just…"

"What are you doing here at this time? You're not in the fan club; I've never seen you around any of the candid hunts."

_Candid hunts? _"I just… I was…"

"Wait…" She peered at him, dark eyes narrowing.

_Shit, she knows who I am. No, no, no, no, no. She can't know who I am!_

"Y-yes?" Souichi asked innocently.

"Are you," She wagged her finger by his face, attracting the attention of other girls around them, "the new merchandise manager?"

_…Merchandise manager?_

"Ah... y-yes! I was just… on my way inside." Souichi nodded and closed his fist around the strings of the bag behind his back, causing the vinyl to crinkle. He mentally cringed, wishing they didn't hear that.

"Huh? What's that?" The girl mumbled, pointing to the bag. She suddenly gasped. "Is it the new collection of visual T-shirts?!"

The rest of the girls suddenly stood up and scattered around him, making him feel claustrophobic. Loud yelling started to erupt, hyper and frantic cries cutting through the silence of night. Panicking, he ran to the gate and hurriedly dug around in the bag for the key, trying to get away from the excited shrieks of teenage girls. He felt his fingers brush against cold metal and practically thrust his arm out.

Clumsily sliding the key in the lock, he pushed the gate open and closed it behind him, locking it back up. The girls banged on the loud, rattling metal of the gate as he fled to the stairs.

Isogai was right when he described the house's structure to him. It was huge and winded and brown, with a long Z-shaped flight of stairs which were lined with wooden rails. The stairs were wide and flat, which led to a small rectangular wooden porch, lined with the same wooden rails and decorated with a tall potted tree wrapped with a full-circular bench and a white sunshade table by the stairs. Stepping onto the porch, he noticed a large white dog lying on the bench, gazing at him with lidded eyes as its paws played with its collar.

_Hm… I've never had a pet before…_

He clenched his fingers as he walked towards the sliding glass door, reaching to knock on it but then pausing in mid-air. He felt stupid; it was a sliding door.

He pushed it open, peering inside. The two members who had talked to him at the contract signing were sitting on the floor of the colorful living room and watching television. As he closed the door behind him, the bag brushed against the glass, crinkling loudly and drawing the members' attention.

"Ah, Sandara!" Yamaguchi scrambled to stand up. "You're home!" He ran over to Souichi, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "So? How did you like your first contract signing?"

"Eh… it was… alright…" Souichi struggled with making his voice higher.

The brunette came and pried the blonde off of Souichi. "Maa, don't be so nervous. We're not going to hurt ya in any way."

"It's not that…" Souichi laughed dryly.

"Hm?" Yamaguchi cocked his head, ruffling his blonde hair. "Oh, are you afraid that because you're female that we'll try and move on you?"

The pink that spread across Souichi's cheeks was enough of an answer for him.

Hiroto laughed softly. "Ohya, ye won't have to worry about that, Sandara. As a member-to-member secret, Tetsuhiro and I are both into men."

_Yeah, because that _totally _makes me feel better._

"Ah… I'm just…" Souichi stuttered and opened and closed his mouth aimlessly, trying not to get annoyed and shout at them to leave him alone. "I'm just a bit uneasy. All this fame is so new to me."

"Woah," Yama put his hands on his hips. "I know that feeling. You know, when we did our first variety show, I remember standing there like an idiot because I had stage fright! I couldn't even do any of the activities! God, that was so embarrassing. I didn't even want to look at what Candid Camera had done to it."

"Yeah, he was never the brightest member." Hiroto grinned, earning a smack on his shoulder. "Anyway, d'ya need anything Sandara? We won't bother ye that much if that's what you want."

"Uh…" Souichi glanced over at the staircase, hoping to give them an idea.

"Ah, you want a tour of the house?" Yama pointed behind him to the stairs, earning a small nod from Souichi.

"A-ah, I'd rather you just… describe to me where everything is." Souichi said, forcing a smile on his lips.

"Oh… okay." Yamaguchi's lips twitched as he tried to smile as well. "Well, this is the kitchen and eating area," he pointed to the large kitchen with monochrome furniture and a wrap-around counter. At the edge of the counter closest to the dining room was an island countertop with stools sitting underneath it. "Then here are the stairs which – obviously – lead to the upper floor." Souichi's eyes ran across the L-shaped brown staircase behind the living room. "Next to the staircase to the left here is the hallway." He pointed to a hallway to the left of the stairs, one that looked like it spawned in all different directions. "Now down that hall is the group closet, which is where we keep all of our band clothing. If you have anything to put in there, please do so in your own time. The bathroom is down that hall all the way to the right, it's practically underneath the stairs, and up those stairs are the bedrooms." Yama instructed with his hands, smiling when he was finished. "Do you need anything else?"

"Woah, ya sure talk a lot." Hiroto joshed, laughing.

"Maa, she asked for a vocal tour!"

Souichi laughed nervously. "N-no thanks. So… which one is my bedroom?"

"Hm… is the one at the corner of the hallway empty? You know which one I mean, right?" Yama looked at Hiroto, who nodded hesitantly.

"I think so."

"Then that one will be your room from now on, Sandara~! It's right as you walk up the stairs, it's a brown door at the corner of a hallway. Can't miss it!"

"G-great, thank you." Souichi practically hid his face in his hair as he made his way up the stairs. God, he was so awkward at talking to men. If he was going to stay here, he needed to get over it. He hoped this was all just a very bad dream, but the more he tried to force himself to wake up, the more that reality pressed down on him.

_Right… need to put my stuff away in my bedroom and get dressed for the party._

"Oh, and try not to bother Tetsuhiro!" Yamaguchi called out once Souichi was halfway up the stairs. "He loves his privacy, and… well… doesn't necessarily like women. Maa, he doesn't really like people in general."

_Yeah, because I couldn't see that myself._

"And if ya need anything," Hiroto grinned, "ye can always come ask us. We'd be more than happy to help ya get adjusted to anything here. Please, don't find us intimidating or scary. We're not bad people."

"A-alright."

Hurrying up the rest of the stairs, Souichi let his hand glide over the smooth railing as he turned the corner, face-to-face with a door a few feet from him where the hallway turned right. It had to be the bedroom that Yamaguchi told him about, the one that would be his.

Double checking that nobody was staring at him in the corridors, he gingerly knocked at the door, pressing his ear against it for a response before turning the knob and pushing it open. It was small, but that was okay. The bedrooms at the orphanage were very small and the ceilings were very low. Immediately past the door were steps that wound around the area of the doorway. The right half of the bedroom was on a round platform, with a brown wooden bed with cream sheets and cream pillows and a thick comforter. On the right wall next to the platform was a glass door; that must be the bathroom. The left half of the bedroom looked like a small study area, with a dresser and a wicker chest and a vanity with a mirror. The ceiling in the left side of the room was lower than the right side, but that was okay. He was used to having to hunch over in bedrooms.

Reaching into the black bag, he pulled out the satchel and flipped the top open. Everything was still right where he had left it, which meant Isogai hadn't touched them like he promised. _Looks like he's trying to earn my trust._

This was so wrong on so many levels. How in the world did Isogai expect Souichi's "best-friend-band-members" to not find out and know that he wasn't a real woman? What would happen if they did find out? Would they tell the press and get Souichi kicked out? Would he have to shower with them? No… they wouldn't allow co-ed showering… would they?

Shaking his head and pushing his thoughts aside, he pulled his clothing out of the satchel and placed them in the very bottom drawer of the dresser. He pulled out his family picture and ran his thumb over the frame, feeling a twinge of abandonment go through him. He really was alone here, surrounded by strange men and with nobody to trust. He didn't have his siblings, he didn't have the children near him; he was lonely. Who was he supposed to talk to? He missed tutoring everyone. This wasn't him; this wasn't what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to be a tutor and get a job and earn enough money to enroll in university, but instead he was here, pretending to be his sister who wanted to be a singer. It seemed like life really was unfair, like it wanted everything but for Souichi to be happy.

"Damn freak…" Souichi mumbled. "Who in their right mind… thinks this is a good idea."

He pushed his money bank atop the dresser, placing it in the middle so it wouldn't accidentally fall off and shatter. Pulling out Mika's drawing, he held the slightly crumpled paper between his fingers, eyes scanning across the crayon marks. He missed Mika most of all. She had acted like Souichi's sister when Kanako wasn't around, and he had grown closer to her than any of the other orphans.

The silence of the room was deafening. He didn't hear any laughter, he didn't hear anybody shouting his name from down the hall, he didn't hear anybody calling him down for breakfast, and he didn't hear anybody asking him to tutor them after church. It was too quiet for him to call it peaceful.

When he noticed his vision growing blurrier than it was already, he leaned onto his bed and covered his face and held his hands over his eyes to try and keep the tears from falling. It wasn't like it really mattered, because they just wouldn't quit coming. He didn't even want to stop himself from crying; he felt like this was hell. If there was a right and wrong place to go to when you died, this was the wrong. Why him of all people? Why was his sister the rebellious one in his family and didn't want to listen to anybody and do her own thing? Why couldn't she just listen to Souichi and attend university here in Japan? Why didn't she listen to her agent when he advised her to take it easy? Why was he here suffering now because she couldn't listen? Why?

He wished the Misses were here. Every time he cried over something, no matter what it was, they would wait until the other orphans were fed and then they would bring Souichi some rice porridge and hot chamomile tea to help lull him into a peaceful sleep. Every time he awoke the morning after, he was completely at ease. He was special to them, and he loved having a family like that.

There was nobody like that here. There were no angels coming down the dimly lit hall, bringing him a bowl of steaming porridge and a mug of chamomile tea. There was nothing here to qualm the aching in his chest. Only now did the real weight of his loneliness and stupidity weigh down on him, and it hurt.

"Why the hell am I crying…" He muttered, wiping under his eyes with his thumb. _I can't let them find me like this. They'll… they'll try to comfort me or something and find out that I'm a male under my clothing._

Standing up, he tossed the black vinyl bag into the corner beside his bed and strode out of the bedroom, shutting the door tight behind him. He instantly regretted it when he was met with Tetsuhiro's eyes just a few feet from him, the man holding a bottle of water to his lips.

"What are you doing?" Tetsuhiro asked monotonously.

"Moving in," Souichi mumbled softly, switching to his higher voice.

Dark green eyes narrowed at Souichi. "Why is your face puffy?"

"Uh…" Souichi stammered, refusing to admit that he had cried. "None of your business."

"Never mind, then. I don't want to hear it."

_Asshole._

Tetsuhiro made a sound that resembled a scoff and a laugh. "So the others thought it would be a good idea to make your room a mere ten feet from mine?"

"Huh?" Souichi cocked his head, trying to hide his growing annoyance. If he didn't have to act respectively, he was sure that he'd have knocked his man down by now. "A mere ten feet?"

Tetsuhiro jutted his chin to Souichi's left, and the man followed his imaginary path and noticed the brown door in the corner there. _That must be his room._

"Don't touch it." Tetsuhiro growled out as if he could read Souichi's mind. "I don't want anybody near my room. Especially not _you_. Women are disgusting creatures." The last part he whispered under his breath before tilting the bottle back into his lips and strolling past Souichi into his bedroom. The loud bang of the door startled the blonde and his body jumped. _Stingy._

_He could at least be a little nicer since I'm supposed to be a woman. I know that Yama said that he hates women, but even so, I really did nothing to him._

Turning his eyes away, Souichi made his way back down the stairs into the living room. Yama and Hiroto were still there, watching some type of a variety show.

"Hey, Sandara!" Yama called out when Souichi was at the bottom of the stairs, waving his hand.

Souichi lifted his hand a little and turned and walked down the hall. _The closet was around here somewhere… right? _

The walls of the hallway were silvery and metallic, enough so that he could see his reflection in them. He did look like himself, minus the fake female parts. He would feel so much more comfortable about this whole thing if he could always go outside in clothes like this.

He was really anxious to meet the stylist. Of course, he didn't want them to touch him anywhere; he hated when people touched him. However, since Isogai told him that he'd have custom-made clothing, wouldn't the stylist have to obviously know that he wasn't a woman? At least he would feel a little more comfortable having somebody to talk to about all this. He hoped the stylist was a woman, because if it was a male he would slit Isogai's throat during the night. He couldn't handle this many men around him; he needed a woman to break the choking crowd.

Coming to the end of the hall, he noticed a set of wooden double doors with brass bar handles. Pulling them open, he stared at the large, wide, square hall closet.

"Jesus, is this place big enough? Not even the bedrooms were this big…"

Everything was stored away so neatly and carefully; the shelves wrapped around the left and right sides of the room, from top to bottom. On the wall opposite the door was a small yet wide rectangular indentation, clothes wrapped in plastic coverings hanging from the bar inside. The indentation stretched from wall to wall, and Souichi was sure it was nearly double his height. On the shelves on the side walls were hundreds of shoes; sneakers, boots, loafers, heels, sandals, things that Souichi guessed they had bought ahead of time. He didn't even want to think of wearing them.

Coming out of the closet and closing the double doors, he turned and continued on down the path that the hallway made. He remembered that Yamaguchi hadn't told him about this part of the house, but maybe he just forgot.

He squinted, trying to make his vision as clear as possible, when he noticed a white door at the end of the hall curve.

"Huh?" He whispered to himself, biting down on his lip and looking around to make sure nobody was near him. "What's this room?"

Gently turning the door handle, he peered inside. It wasn't a bedroom, or a bathroom, or any kind of normal room. There were a few steps leading down from the door onto a small platform. The walls were curved and white, and there was a large, black piano perched in the very middle of the room.

It was shiny and beautiful, and Souichi had the urge to run his fingers across it. It was smooth and cold, something he'd never felt on the pads of his fingers before.

He gazed around at the pillars circling the round room. "I wish I could have a bedroom at this end of the house. I'd prefer to be as separated from them as possible. Maa, Isogai doesn't want me to be isolate. He wants me to get along with them. Che, like that'll happen."

_They're men, and men are despicable creatures._

He remembered Tetsuhiro's words to him upstairs: _Especially not you. Women are disgusting creatures._

"Well that makes two of us…" Souichi mumbled, turning and going back up the stairs and out of the room.

_Hm… I've seen the living room, kitchen, hall closet, my bedroom… the piano room… what about their bedrooms? I should probably ask permission first._

_Wait… ask permission? For what?! I'm living here now, so I should have free range of this house!_

Keeping his lips screwed tight, he hurried back up the living room stairs, ignoring greetings from Hiroto and Yama. He wanted to know what the entire house looked like, because now it was as much _his _house as it was theirs.

He was respectful enough to know not to touch anything that wasn't his; he was never one to steal. The Misses had raised him to respect other people and their belongings, and that stealing was one of the biggest sins of all. Being so religious all of his childhood, he knew nothing but how to cling to his sinless rope. God had given him life for a reason, and that reason was not to steal and be a bad person. Sure, he had always had a bit of a temper and a pretty sour mouth, and had even stabbed a few people in his life in self-defense, but he would never purposely dirty himself in these ways.

_I'm damn sure that cross-dressing _has _to be written down as a sin in the Bible somewhere. Fucking sick people._

Getting too curious, his socked feet tip-toed down the hall to Tetsuhiro's bedroom. Why was the man so touchy about everything regarding himself? He was touchy about Souichi looking at his bedroom; what was so important that he didn't want anybody near it?

Double-checking that nobody was around, he gingerly took hold of the silver globe handle and turned it ever so slowly. He knew Tetsuhiro was in his room at the moment, so he didn't want to startle him. Wait, what? Why the hell did he have to listen to anything this man said? This was as much his house now as it was theirs.

Peering inside, he noticed that the main room was empty, meaning he wasn't here. Had he just disappeared? Good, it gave Souichi the opportunity to snoop around. What was so important that he had to threaten Souichi to not go near his room?

He closed the door behind him softly and gazed around. He was on a small stack of stairs that led down to the main floor. The bedroom was enormous, nearly four times the size of his. The right and left sections of the room were circular, linking together with a few feet of silver wooden flooring. The left section of the room was on a platform and held a queen-sized bed with silver comforters and pillows. In the right section was a silver desk, miscellaneous disks and papers scattered among the top. There was a tall shelf full of CDs and disks in the lower right corner and a door on the right wall. That door must've been his private bathroom. Among all of the walls were portraits of the man and framed and signed pictures of him in a recording studio. _Wow, could he be more of a narcissist?_

On the right wall was also an electric fireplace and a flat television, a low black shelf full of DVDs under the television. Certain parts of the room had rugs, like under the bed and under the desk. He had never seen such an amazing room in his life; he had always been used to bedrooms having pull-string bedside lamps and small beds with brown blankets and wicker chests and burlap curtains.

Souichi held his breath and tip-toed down the few steps, gingerly walking over to the desk. It was silver and metallic and smooth and absolutely _spotless. _There wasn't a single paper out of place, not a single pen out of the pencil holder. He ran his fingers along the top of the desk, leaning over a bit. He noticed that there was a silver lamp at the edge of the desk, with a sharply angled neck and a smooth head.

"Why did he tell me not to come in here?" Souichi murmured to himself. "I wish I could have this bedroom."

Suddenly he heard loud footsteps outside the door, and he could feel his heart stop. Tetsuhiro was coming in. He was going to see Souichi and yell at him and hit him, all things Souichi could use to blackmail the man's bad attitude with.

_How the hell did he get back in the hallway? He was just in the bedroom!_

He panicked as he heard the doorknob being turned, and his head snapped around for a hiding place. Beside the bed, under the desk, in the corner…

The bathroom.

Sprinting across the room as silently as his socked feet would allow, he swung open the glass bathroom door and closed it, heart pounding in his chest. He heard the door click shut and footsteps descend on the stairs; had he heard him?

Tetsuhiro sipped his water, ruffling his hair slightly. Maa, he had wanted a haircut for a while now. He liked having it this length, but it annoyed him too often. An inch or two off wouldn't hurt anybody.

Setting the water bottle down on his desk, he sighed to himself. Why was life punishing him now? He hated people, why would he want more around him? Especially a woman. He had hated women ever since he was little, ever since he had known he was gay. All of the females in his school would make fun of him for being gay and would tease him and treat him like he didn't have his own two hands. His parents were never any better; they shunned him for years once they found out. It was the reason he hated people; everyone always hated him, so he was returning the favor.

_Why the hell did Yamaguchi think it would be a good idea to invite a female into this household? I knew that kid didn't have any brains…_

Sandara was annoying; she had waltzed her way into Tetsuhiro's band and made instant friends with Yamaguchi and Hiroto, and just assumed that everything would be peaches and cream. Didn't she have any sense? Didn't she know that it took him years to become this famous? And here she was just having fame handed to her on a silver platter? Women were selfish creatures, always thinking they were better than everybody else. He couldn't stand even being around them. They were clingy, they were rude, they were snobby, they were self-indulged, and they cared about nothing but how they looked.

He had been in love; of course he had. It was what had fueled him to become famous. But that love had ended abruptly, because of a female. He never dated much, simply because everyone frowned upon him for being gay. He had fallen too hard for the one person that actually wanted to spend time with him, and it had ended because the other had fallen for a girl. A stupid, brown-haired, high school girl. He remembered the object of his first love becoming famous, and that was what inspired him to become famous himself. He hoped that being adored by so many people would make his first love regret leaving him.

"I don't want to go to the party tonight," Tetsuhiro mumbled to himself. "Too many drunken women trying to rub up on me." He cocked his head and laughed at himself. "Especially Sandara. Maa, who does she think she is? Thinking she's good enough as to have an attitude with me."

The bathroom was tiny and long, Souichi noted, and made up of chestnut stone floor and tile, a black granite counter with a white sink, a white tub, a black wrap-around shower, and a white bidet. Where was he supposed to hide? In the half-walled shower? In the in-ground tub? No, he would definitely be seen there. In the corner next to the granite counter?

He could hear the man talking but couldn't make out what he was saying. Did he know Souichi was in here?

Looking around, his eyes fell upon the bidet. _Psh, he even has a bidet? Fucking homo. Only gay people need to use those. _

Where was he supposed to hide?

He could hear the man's voice growing closer; what was he supposed to do? Was he coming?

"What do I do?" Souichi whimpered to himself, biting on his sleeve. Why was he here acting like a frightened schoolgirl? This was ridiculous. There had to be another way out.

The window? No, it was too high and he would definitely make noise trying to open the damn thing. _Dammit, Isogai…_

"What do I do… where do I go…"

Tetsuhiro sat in his desk chair and wheeled himself in. He needed to write; it helped him relieve stress. He wrote his best songs when he was stressed, simply because all the emotion would come pouring out of him. Hah, now it would be really funny if Sandara could sing the songs he wrote. He remembered at their last band showcase, he had previously recovered from tonsillitis, and the agency president had told him to lip sing at the showcase. That wasn't what someone as professional as him would do; he simply wouldn't allow it. He had hated cheating since he was in school, hated everyone who had cheated in their friendships with him, had hated his first love for cheating in their relationship.

The song had been hard on him, and with his newly-recovered throat, it was a pretty large struggle. After the showcase, that was when President Ito and Yamaguchi had announced to him that they were getting a new band member - a back-up singer named Sandara.

He had been in a poor mood since, hating the idea of having to be around a female. He despised them, and he knew that Yamaguchi knew it as well. So why was the boy so stupid? Why did he want to put Tetsuhiro through this? Why?

He wanted to focus on writing, but he couldn't. Something was bothering him, but he didn't know what. Had something changed in the room?

Looking up, his eyes fell on the silver lamp. He cocked his head, staring at it intently. For the best lighting to help him see best, he had always kept the lamp at an angle of 73 degrees, so why did it look like it was at 68 degrees…?

Lamps didn't just move on their own. Something just wasn't right. Someone must've touched it. Someone must've been here. But who would come in here? Hiroto and Yama were watching television, and even they knew better than to touch Tetsuhiro's belongings. Sandara was in her room…

_Sandara._

He stood abruptly, causing the desk chair to wheel backwards loudly.

The noise startled Souichi, and he jerked back, frantic to find a place to hide. He knew; Tetsuhiro knew he was in here.

"What do I do?" Souichi whispered, biting his lip. Why was he in this situation? Why? Why couldn't he just mind his own business? Why couldn't he just listen?

_Because they're men._

He could see the man's shadow coming closer to the door, and he nearly tripped over his feet as he fell on the bidet. Steadying himself with his hands, he noticed the door swing open as Tetsuhiro's figure stepped into the tiled room.

The man seemed startled that Souichi was there, or maybe it was just the loud noise of the porcelain bidet. Their eyes met and Souichi was sure he would faint any second.

"W-what?" He managed to squeak out.

"What are you doing?" Tetsuhiro's voice was deep and monotonous as usual. He looked guarded, like he was ready to defend himself if Souichi made any sudden moves.

"I…" Souichi mumbled, trying to rack his brain for an answer. "I… I just…"

"Didn't I tell you not to come into my room?" Tetsuhiro raised his voice, making Souichi's temper flare. "Huh?"

"Hey, this is everybody's house!" Souichi was shocked that he had managed to spit out a full sentence. "You were being stingy and not giving me a tour like Yamaguchi and Hiroto did."

"They did?"

"Yes! They did!"

"So…" Tetsuhiro crossed his arms. "You decide that instead of bugging Yama and Hiroto, you come bug me?"

Oh.

"I can bug whoever I want. I live here too, you know."

"Right." Tetsuhiro smirked. "You live here now. And if I can recall, Yamaguchi assigned you a bedroom, but this is not that room. So you may live in this house, but you do not live _here._"

"This is as much my house as it is yours!" Souichi narrowed his eyes and slapped his hand down on the bidet. He suddenly wished he hadn't when he heard a mechanical beep. What the…?

He wasn't left wondering for long when a stream of cold water burst from the bidet, striking him on the butt. He yelped loudly, body jerking from the seat. _Fucking homo toys and their sensitive buttons!_

The water was freezing, and it was coming in one thin, strong jet, so he couldn't stop it no matter how much he tried. Every shot of the icy water caused him to yelp and cover his face. Why the fuck was Tetsuhiro just standing there and watching Souichi make a fool of himself? Why wasn't he helping? He knew how to turn this homo toilet off, so why wasn't he helping?

"S-stop!" Souichi yelped out, trying to block the stream of water. "Please stop it!" The floor had grown increasingly wet from the constant spray and he suddenly slipped, landing on his butt. "Ouch…"

This was humiliating. This had to be payment for something, but what had he done? He hated everything about this damn house, hated every damn person in it.

Scrambling to get up, his wet sleeves reached for the buttons on the bidet, as he tried to avoid the jet of water currently hitting him in the face. Pressing random buttons didn't seem to help; in fact, it made it worse. The water suddenly grew boiling hot, and he yelped loudly in pain. His skin burned; when would this end? When would Tetsuhiro fucking intervene and turn this thing off?

"P-please stop! Wait a minute!" He gasped out, hands shielding his face. He started coughing, water going into his lungs as he tried to breathe normally.

Tetsuhiro sighed from the doorway. "Has it been thirty seconds?"

Souichi registered his words but couldn't form a coherent reply. He was too caught up in the constant temperature changes of the water; at first, he would be freezing, and next his skin would be burning. Who the hell even used these things?

"T-turn it off!"

Suddenly the water stopped, and his lungs thanked him when he could breathe safely again without choking on toilet water. God, how he wanted to beat the shit out of the man next to him. He couldn't even fucking help?

"What is wrong with you?!" Souichi looked up, blonde hair dripping onto the floor. "Ah, my clothes are soaked… fucking moron…"

"Do you normally shower with a bidet?" Was the only thing Tetsuhiro said. _How fucking rude. _

"Shut the fuck up!" Souichi growled, trying to wring out his long hair.

Tetsuhiro stuck his tongue in his cheek. "I don't appreciate that tone of voice. You should come and kneel and apologize, like a woman should. Or are you too conceited to do so?"

He couldn't believe the gall this man had. Fine, he wanted an apology? He wanted to act like a jackass? Souichi could play that game.

Getting up, Souichi kept his hands clasped and walked over to the man, stopping a few feet in front of him. He could play the innocent card if he wanted to. Nobody made a fool of him. Nobody.

"I'm really sorry that I came in here without your permission." Souichi said with the sweetest voice he could muster. _Ugh, gag me with a large spoon._ "I'm really sorry." He bowed, wet hair flying with the motions of his body, causing Tetsuhiro's shirt to get wet.

"Hey!" Tetsuhiro barked out. "What are you doing?!"

"Apologizing." Souichi said flatly. "Like you wanted. Or are you too much of a dick to understand?"

Tetsuhiro sighed exasperatedly, crossing his arms. It looked like he was holding back on hitting Souichi. "Clearly we need to set some house rules, because people like you can't control their actions _or _their tongue. So I'll explain how things work around here, and I'll only say it once, so listen carefully. First, don't touch me or put your hands on me without my permission. I cannot stand when people touch me, especially nosy little girls like you. Second, don't come into my room without my permission. I especially can't stand when people intrude on the privacy of my own bedroom so suddenly. This is my room, used for the purpose of my privacy, and you have your own room and your own privacy to worry about. If you feel so obliged as to shower or brush your teeth with a bidet, kindly do such revolting acts in the comfort of your own room. Third, don't touch my things without my permission. If my things are moved even in the slightest, it drives me mad. I can't stand fingerprint marks on anything, and I especially can't stand having my things crumpled or mussed because you can't mind your own business. Fourth, I hate women. I have always hated women. Get that through your tiny, illiterate brain. It most certainly wasn't my idea to have you join this group, but I am not about to disappoint my millions of fans because I cannot handle a little nineteen-year-old whore. I am not here to please you, and you are not here to please me. Do you understand?"

_Touchy. _Souichi wanted to punch him hard and refuse to do anything to please this asshole of a man, but he had to be good. It was in his sister's contract.

"Yes." He murmured with narrowed hazel eyes. His fingers twitched with the urge to just have his knuckles collide with the man's face.

"Then if you understand me," Tetsuhiro knelt down and opened one of the sink cabinet doors, pulling out a plush white towel. "Wrap up your bidet-showered body and get out of my room. You're getting the floor wet and I'm going to have to clean it, and I certainly don't need the floor mats getting moldy." He thrust the towel into Souichi's chest, causing the blonde to jerk slightly.

Souichi took the towel in his own hands and wrapped it around himself, happy to finally have warmth from his icy soaked clothes. Ugh, he definitely needed a thorough shower before even thinking about going to a party.

"Fine." Souichi muttered, gingerly stepping out of the bathroom and leaving the bedroom.

Tetsuhiro sighed, pulling out another towel to mop up the soaked floor. "Damn woman… making a mess of my bathroom… and now my clothes are all wet." He looked down at the dark splotches on his hooded pullover. He wasn't about to be carried around like a woman's purse. He had gone through that emotional pain only once, and would make sure it happened only once. Women were manipulative creatures; that much he had learned over the years. Sandara was trying to manipulate him to get him to act nicely to her. Che, as if he would fall for that.

His heart had hardened over time, and when he started the band with his childhood friend Hiroto, they had a small fling at the time of their debut. It didn't last, and they called it off between friends, and remained friends ever since. Tetsuhiro's heart was soft back then; it fell easily. He wanted to love again, but he didn't want to be rejected again the way he was. He wouldn't go through something like that twice; he would make sure of it.


	4. Part 1-4

The club was loud and dark, two things Souichi was not used to. He had never been in noisy environments, even when he was a child. The orphanage was always quiet, save for childish laughter and chatter, but it was never so loud that he could feel his eardrums throbbing. The owners had rented the company of some female vocal band, so when Souichi and Isogai arrived, they were already on the stage by the bar.

Isogai had picked him up in his van, just like he promised. Souichi didn't have any idea how to choose an outfit to wear to this club; what kind of a celebratory party was at a club? Was he supposed to wear church clothes? Was he supposed to wear exposing clothes? How the hell was he supposed to piece together an outfit meant for women?

He had called Isogai for help and the man had arrived at the house almost an hour before they were supposed to leave. Souichi wasn't a woman; how was he supposed to have a sense of feminine fashion? And Isogai hadn't arranged for Souichi to have a private stylist yet, so he didn't know what to do.

With a lot of emotional maneuvering and convincing, Isogai had successfully pieced together an outfit for Souichi to put on in the comfort of his private bathroom.

The outfit was thankfully more covering than the one he wore at the press conference; black tight shorts like the ones he wore at the contract signing, black lingerie, a black shirt, a long-sleeved red plaid jacket with a white collar, and flat black laced boots that went almost to his knees. Thank goodness they weren't heeled; his feet had started hurting a few hours ago from being elevated so much in such a short amount of time. The bra felt too loose and he had to use all of his strength to resist constantly picking at the fabric and adjusting it. Isogai had assured him just to wait another day, and that he would have a stylist tomorrow who would take his measurements. He left his hair down and Isogai gave him a black hat from the hall closet. Why was he here again?

The other members had questioned why Sandara was going with Isogai and didn't ride in the TN Entertainment van with them. Isogai had simply said that Sandara was still getting over her new member jitters and was still getting used to being around them.

Souichi sighed, elbow up on the cold countertop of the bar, hand buried in his hair. The unbearably loud music was giving him a throbbing headache. He tilted his head and lifted the small glass to his lips, downing the shot of liquor that Isogai had bought for him. It was his sixth shot out of the round that Isogai had paid for, and he wasn't feeling it at all.

"So," Isogai sat down on the stool next to him, adjusting his tie. "How are you enjoying the party?"

"I hate it." Souichi mumbled. "The music is giving me a migraine. And this drink tastes like ass. What was it again?"

"Soju." Isogai murmured, flagging down the bartender to buy a drink. "It's sweet potato liquor."

"Tastes like garbage." Souichi pushed the glass away from him. "And it's not helping; get me something stronger!"

"Souichi, you can't just get blind drunk at a party like this." Isogai said in-between giving the bartender his order. "What if there are paparazzi?"

"I don't care." Souichi buried his head in his crossed arms. "My head fucking hurts."

Isogai sighed, telling the bartender to get him an extra round of rice vodka. He gingerly lifted his hand and rubbed Souichi's back tenderly, gauging the man's reaction. He must've really been suffering if he didn't even shove him off. Isogai felt bad for making him go through this just for Kanako. He really should've weaned Souichi into the loud, fame-induced lifestyle rather than just throwing him into it.

President Ito winded his way through the crowd to get to the bar. He noticed Sandara leaning into her arms and her agent rubbing her back. Was she upset?

"Maa, Sandara," Ito sat down in the stool to Souichi's left and raised his voice over the blaring music, "you can't have fun with this attitude. Is everything alright?"

The blonde lifted his head a bit, blinking his hazel eyes a few times. Sandara looked sleepy and drained, Ito noted subconsciously. What had she been doing to become this exhausted?

"Ah, she just has a bit of a headache is all." Isogai grinned, taking off Souichi's black hat and petting his hair ever so gently.

"Well, did you buy her any alcohol? A little bit goes a long way." Ito laughed, sipping his caramel-colored drink.

_Not long enough, _Souichi thought to himself. Isogai's hand on his back and hair felt so comforting to him that he could feel himself wanting to fall asleep. It felt just like when the Misses used to pet his head when he would have a headache, so soft and delicate. Isogai's fingers slipped a little too close to his ear and his body jerked up.

"Okay, s-stop that!" Souichi growled, hands adjusting his hair. He had never liked anybody else touching his head with their fingers; his ears were sensitive and touching them gave him uncomfortable feelings. "No more touching me. Where's my drink?"

"Should be coming out soon, Sandara. Don't worry." Isogai assured him with a small smile as he sipped his own clear drink.

"Hey, Sandara," President Ito set down his drink and crossed his arms over the countertop. "Do you see those women over there?" He pointed towards the stage and Souichi followed his finger to where the female group was performing. There were about six or seven women, all attractive and sexy and wearing flashy clothing. They seemed very into their routine, smiles on each of their faces. "You could be just liked them if you wanted to! Very sexy, flashy, very appealing!"

What was this creep saying to him? Was he calling him sexy?

"Don't worry," Ito clapped him on the back. "I'll get you there! Okay? Okay!" Standing up, he sipped his drink and strode over to the tables where other celebrities were.

The drinks finally arrived, and Souichi practically dove right into downing them. This time, the drinks tasted a lot better to him, and he must've taken three or four shots before Isogai stopped him.

"Easy on the alcohol, Sandara." Isogai exhaled, moving the tray of shot glasses away from the swaying blonde. "We can't have you so drunk that you can't stand up."

"Shut up." Souichi mumbled, licking his lips. "I'll get as drunk as I want! Ahh, that damn headache is gone."

Isogai sighed, looking at the rest of the filled glasses on the tray. Four more shots couldn't hurt… right?

"Alright." Isogai stood and brushed off his pants. "I'm gonna go by the stage for a bit. You can drink the rest of these but that's all I'll buy you for the night. You don't have any money, so you can't buy more. If you need me, I'll be by the tables. The other members should be over there if you need anything from them. Alright?"

"Maa, why are you still here?" Souichi whined childishly. Oh yeah, he was drunk. "I got it. Go away."

"Be careful, Sandara." Isogai mumbled as he walked over to the stage. Noticing everybody else dancing to the music, he pulled the closest girl to him and began to dance with her.

Souichi grinned and looked back at the tray of shots. Leaning over the counter, he picked each glass up and downed them between pink lips. His face felt hot and his body had no feeling, but that was okay. He would much rather be feeling ecstatic than having his head pounding. He made a hazy mental note to ask Isogai what brand of alcohol it was for the future.

He spun around in the stool, eyes gazing across where Isogai was with the president and the other band members. The three members were sitting down at the table, President Ito standing behind Tetsuhiro with a tall bottle of champagne in his hands. Isogai simply leaned against the booth seat and engaged in their conversation. Everyone raised their glasses as the cork on the end of the bottle came flying off and white foam spilled everywhere. Tetsuhiro winced as the liquor dripped on his clothing.

"Ah, Sandara!" President Ito called out loudly, loud enough to be heard across the room and over the music. Souichi noticed a banner on the wall next to their table; _Congratulations TNShi and Tatsumi Sandara, we pray for future success. _"Come join us, Sandara!"

Shrugging, Souichi sluggishly eased himself off of the stool and adjusted his hat as he made his way over to the table.

"This is for you!" Ito grinned and held up a tall chute glass filled with champagne. "It's your party; enjoy it! You're getting exponential publicity this way. To Sandara! Cheers!" Everyone cheered and held their glasses up.

Souichi looked down at the drink in his hands. _More alcohol? Don't mind if I do._

The taste wasn't that bad; it was strangely sweet and rich and he liked it. He could feel the other members' eyes on him, and that made him down the alcohol faster. He wanted to forget everything; forget this, forget them, forget this stupid plan. Forget that he was here dressed up like a girl and that anybody could figure him out at any point.

"Oh, Sandara." Isogai suddenly said, setting his drink down on the table. "Come with me. There's someone I want you to meet."

"Hah?" Souichi squinted. "Who?"

"Just come on. Here, get up."

Isogai ended up half-dragging Souichi around the corner near the entrance. Many people looked at him as they walked by; were they judging his appearance? Could they tell by looking that he wasn't a normal female?

Isogai suddenly stopped, and Souichi hadn't been paying attention. A woman in front of them turned around, grinning down at Souichi as she lifted her hand to play with his hair. _What the…?_

She was taller than him, with long, frizzy brown hair and a stunning face. She reminded Souichi of his friend Kim back at the orphanage; tall, yet athletically built and very assertive. She was wearing a black dress with lots of layers and black high-heeled shoes.

"You're… Souichi?" She pursed her lips, eyes scanning Souichi's body up and down.

His eyes got wide. How did she know who he was? Was this woman stalking him?

"Before you ask any questions," Isogai rubbed his hands together. "This is TNShi's stylist and my older sister, Nani."

"Nice to finally meet you, Souichi-kun~." Her voice was deep but she was very friendly. He hesitantly reached out to shake her hand. "Maa, don't be afraid of me."

"Don't worry. She's on our side." Isogai smiled down at Souichi.

"Nice to meet you." Souichi squinted at her and did his best to force a smile through his drunken haze.

Nani set her drink down on the nearest table and turned back to Souichi. Her arms were crossed and her eyes were narrowed in a way that insisted that she was analyzing him. Kneeling down, she pushed the hem of his jacket up.

"W-what are you doing?" Souichi squeaked out, feeling self-conscious.

"Woah, it's small." She exhaled. "It shouldn't be noticeable with the right panties."

Okay, this day just kept getting weirder and weirder. Why the hell was this woman staring at his genitals?

"Don't touch me." He grumbled. Who did she think she was making fun of his male pride like that?

"Woah, he really is stingy." Nani smiled at Isogai. "No worries. I'm here to help you. I'll take your measurements tomorrow in your bathroom if you'd like, and then I'll have you made some custom-fit clothing. Alright?"

Souichi nodded hesitantly, not really wanting to have anything to do with anybody. He felt dizzy; maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe he needed to sit down for a bit. Maybe he needed another drink.

"Are you alright, Souichi?" Isogai put his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Here, I know what'll make you feel better! Look, those girls have finished their songs. How about you go over and talk to them? Hm? Come on, I'll walk you over."

"I don't wanna…" Souichi drawled drunkenly. "I wanna drink."

"Maa, Souichi-kun. You've definitely had enough to drink for one night. Come on. Make conversation with those women. They won't bite." Isogai gently ushered him by the shoulders. The females were all in a circle talking to each other, sipping champagne chutes. Souichi couldn't help but gawk at them; they really were very sexy women. Tall, lean bodies, long hair, confident faces, and gorgeous smiles.

He coughed slightly, trying to shove his drunken haze away as much as he could, and walked up to them. The tallest one, with long brown hair and small eyes, noticed him first.

"Oh! You're TNShi's new member!" She exclaimed loudly, drawing the attention of the other girls. "What was your name again?"

"Sandara." Souichi said in his high voice, biting down on his lip. He hoped they couldn't see right through him, especially in this state.

"Ohh, she's so cute!" A shorter one with lighter hair smiled and ruffled Souichi's hair. He had always been fond of women, and he could feel a smile creeping on his lips at all the attention. Kind, gentle women were the people he had grown up around, and they were the kind of people he was most comfortable being around.

"Look at her skin!" Another girl, with long dark hair pulled into a ponytail, raked her nails gently across Souichi's cheek. "It's softer than mine. Aw, that's not fair. What's your secret?"

"You have a secret?" Another one asked. "Aw, tell us! We could really use help with our skincare! Performance acne is just unsightly, and it's a pain to get rid of."

Skincare secrets? Maa… was his skin really that amazing? He just washed it in the morning and at night and when he showered. Was it that hard? Maybe it was because he was a male. No… it was scientifically impossible to be that biased. Acne could occur between both males and females until age 40 or so; mainly until feminine menopause.

"Here," The tallest girl handed him an empty chute glass and poured some champagne in it. "Have another drink." He really didn't want to, but then he really did. Lifting the chute to his lips, he downed the liquid and licked his lips proudly. The girls giggled at him, and he laughed with them. Women made him happy, and he didn't really know why, but he didn't mind in the slightest. Maybe they were just comforting to him.

"Ah," Another girl suddenly grabbed his upper arm and made him turn to look at her. "We should all take a picture! To remember the day that TNShi accepted a new female member, and one so much prettier than us at that!"

"Wh-what are you doing?" Souichi asked uncomfortably as every single girl was hoarding around him and pressing him between them.

"Come on!" The girl with the ponytail held her phone up in front of all of them and smiled at it. "Say cheese!"

Say cheese? Was this what people did when they took pictures? Save for the press conference just a mere couple of hours ago and his family photo with Kanako and Tomoe when they were children, Souichi had never had his picture taken. What were you supposed to do? Were you supposed to look natural? Were you supposed to smile and act put-together? He had no idea what he was supposed to do. Looking at the other girls and seeing how their bodies were slightly bent and they all had perfect smiles and perfect expressions, he guessed it was the second one. Clearing his throat gently, he adjusted the hem of his shirt and wrapped a careful hand around the waist of the girl to his right, turning slightly to the right and smiling.

"Cheese!"

A bright flash zapped from the phone with a soft click and Souichi was surprised he hadn't blinked. It was really bright, even more so than earlier, but he guessed it was because the club was darker than the office.

"Whoa, she's so photogenic!" One of the girls cried out as they looked at the picture. Souichi bit down on his lip. The awkwardness was unbearable. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?

"Ooh, Sandara, you have to take pictures with us again!"

"You're so adorable, look!"

Souichi nodded and frowned. There were too many people here; just simply too many. He sipped at the champagne in his hand, smacking his lips and sighing. The alcohol had definitely helped since he had gotten here; if he hadn't had a single drop, he was sure he would've gone completely insane and ripped someone's throat out.

He felt the urge to go somewhere. Was he supposed to go somewhere? He couldn't remember. Looking around, he spotted the bar and had the sudden urge to drink some more.

"Ah… I have to… go there…" He mumbled drunkenly.

"Oh, okay." One of the girls said. "Have fun!"

The walk to the bar felt odd. Why was the floor moving beneath him? Why wouldn't it listen to him and stay still? He felt weightless, as if he was floating, and it made him giggle. His lips rimmed the edge of the glass as he leaned against the bar counter.

He could dimly see Isogai's figure approaching through his blurry haze; what did that idiot want now?

"Sandara," Isogai sighed. "You're blind drunk."

"Hey…" Souichi mumbled, "I'm over legal age, I can drink if I wanna."

"How do you feel though?" He noticed Isogai's hands flocking around him as if he would fall over any second. Oh… was he falling? Was that why the floor felt like it was moving? "Are you okay?"

"Me?" Souichi grinned. "I feel good." He had never gotten drunk before, but he had to admit that he was having the most fun he had had in a while. A pink tongue peeked out shyly to gingerly rim the top of the glass, searching for more alcohol. He giggled drunkenly. A bright red blush had spread across his cheeks, and his eyes had gotten dark and lazy. Why did Isogai's body look so disproportionate? It was hysterical to Souichi, and he almost couldn't control the cackles of laughter that spewed from his mouth.

"You've had enough, Sandara." Isogai gritted his teeth, taking the glass from Souichi's limp hands and placing it on the bar counter. "How many drinks did you have? Huh?"

"Drinks." Souichi giggled. "I like… drinks…"

"Here, stand up." Isogai placed his hands on Souichi's arms and pressed him against the wall. "Stand."

"Standing is boring." Souichi mumbled. "I wanna dance."

Isogai sighed. "You need water."

"I need alcohol."

"No, Sandara, you need water. Ice water. You've had enough alcohol for this week."

"Ice water? That doesn't sound delicious."

"Sandara." Isogai knelt down to Souichi's level. "You need to sober up. I can't have you running around blind drunk when there could potentially be paparazzi roaming around."

"I'm fine. Just get me some more to drink."

"No, Sandara. You need some water. You stay right here and I'll get you some ice water. Okay? Stay here."

"Get me something to eat." Souichi mumbled when Isogai left, and the man just waved his hand behind him in response. Psh, he didn't need ice water. He needed alcohol. He hiccupped and covered his breastbone. Suddenly he didn't feel so good. "Bathroom… where's the bathroom…"

The floor would not stop moving no matter how much he told it to. Every step he took felt like he was walking up a water slide. Well, it was better than that horrible headache. Damn loud music making his head hurt. His stomach roiled as he made his way up the staircase. Oh god, he felt like he would vomit any second. His head was spinning and he felt as if he would pass out on the floor.

Leaning against the wall didn't help any either; the wall was moving just as much as the floor. Why was everything moving in this stupid building? Didn't it have any balance?

"Where's the damn bathroom in this place…"

Not having glasses felt like a huge handicap to him. He could barely read the signs on any of the doors; how was he supposed to know which one was a bathroom? What if he opened a door thinking it was a bathroom and it turned out to be a fire escape? Was he really about to vomit in a fire escape? What if he opened one of the doors and wound up in a hall closet and vomited all over other peoples' coats?

He passed by a brown door and squinted at the kanji on the sign, barely making out that it was a bathroom before shoving the door open. His feet refused to work properly and he nearly fell on the counter multiple times. Ah… he needed to get to the toilet. Toilet… where was the toilet…

He felt hands on his shoulders turning him around, and he squinted at Yamaguchi's face.

"Sandara?" Yamaguchi cocked his head. "What are you doing in here?"

"Shut up, I gotta… toilet…" Souichi mumbled drunkenly.

"Huh? Do you have to pee? But… the women's bathroom is down the hall."

Oh… he was in a male bathroom.

"Ah, right," Souichi giggled. "Female, I'm a female."

"Here, you must've drank too much. I can take you there." Yamaguchi gently pushed Souichi by his arms.

"No." Souichi shoved the man's hands off of him. "I can do it."

"You seem really drunk, Sandara. And you smell like liquor." Yamaguchi winced. "Come on, let me help."

"No, I'm fine!" Souichi struggled in the blonde's hands.

"Let's go Sandara! Come on."

"I'm fine~."

"The bathroom's down this way."

Souichi stomped and shoved him off. "Shut up! I can do it!"

"Oh… okay…" Yamaguchi raised his hands innocently. "The bathroom's that way."

Souichi nodded, stumbling towards the end of the hall. Huh? There were no doors here. Maybe it was upstairs. Was there another upstairs? There had to be another upstairs.

Turning left, he noticed more stairs at the end of the slender hallway. Aha, there was another upstairs! Hopefully the bathroom was up there. Hopefully the floor in that bathroom didn't move like the ocean. He knew he was helplessly drunk, and it was funny as anything to him. He was laughing at himself, giggling as he walked down the hall and bumped into the metallic walls. He was all over the place, and it couldn't be funnier. He could barely maneuver up the stairs, tripping over his own heavy feet.

Stepping past the last stair, he felt a cool breeze meet his hot face, and he basked in the feeling it gave him. Oh… were all bathrooms this windy?

He had gone to the rooftop, and suddenly he felt better. He felt better that he was outside, and maybe the stuffiness of being inside was making the nausea worse than it really was. The air was cool and it made him feel calm and sleepy. Stumbling over to the rooftop railing, he yawned and stretched his arms.

"Ah… I feel like… I'm gonna… hah…"

The bronze metal of the railing was cold and Souichi liked the feeling it gave him. His body had felt so hot from all that drinking that it was making him loopy. He sighed, giggling as air brushed his face.

Tetsuhiro stood up from where he was leaning over the railing, turning his head towards the sight of a helplessly drunk Sandara Tatsumi. He smirked. He knew she would get blind drunk at her first club party. He knew she would be a nuisance to everybody here. He knew she had a weak conscious with her "new member jitters". Psh, new member jitters? That was such bullshit. Not even Tetsuhiro had any new member jitters when he created the band.

But wait; why was Sandara on the rooftop? Wasn't she inside drinking with Yamaguchi and Hiroto and the singers? She really was annoying, stalking him every choice she got. No… she couldn't have known that he was up here if she was that drunk. She must've just stumbled up here by accident. Why did she leave the bar if she wanted to get drunk?

He watched her lean over the railing and laugh dumbly. Uncontrollable, that's what women were. They did whatever they pleased, whenever they pleased. Women were good at nothing except making fools of themselves.

Souichi curled his fingers on the rail and leaned over it, head hanging down. The air felt good, but suddenly he felt queasy again. What was going on with his body today? He didn't feel good, and he felt his stomach rebelling against him. He could feel something coming up as his body craned over the railing. Was he going to vomit?

He started gagging, feeling it coming. His head jerked over the railing, trying to expel whatever it was that was disagreeing with him from his body. His body curled a bit too far and his feet slipped, and he could feel a distant sense of terror as his body nearly toppled over the railing, hair flying outwards. He came back to his senses when he felt fingers curl around the back of his collar and pull him sharply backwards.

"Are you insane?!" It was Tetsuhiro's voice that invaded his ears after he was pulled from the railing. He had pulled him away from vomiting? Why? Why couldn't this asshole just leave him be and let him do what he wanted?

"What?" Souichi drawled lazily.

"What do you mean 'what'? You almost fell off the building." Tetsuhiro crossed his arms. "You need to be more careful."

"Shut up. Let me do what I want."

"No, Sandara, you signed our contract, so now we have to look after you."

"I feel really queasy…" Souichi moaned painfully, hunching over as his arms wrapped around his stomach. He needed to vomit; _now._

"Well, I'm sure Isogai told you to lay off of the drinking so this exact scenario wouldn't be happening. I knew you'd do this."

"Sh-shut up!"

The gagging came back with a vengeance as his head whipped around for places for him to empty his stomach.

Tetsuhiro furrowed his eyebrows. What was this girl doing? Was she mocking him? "Are you alright?"

Souichi answered with a loud gag, nearly falling to his knees. Of course he wasn't fucking alright, he was fucking about to throw up on the rooftop of a nightclub! Was this guy a fucking idiot?

Tetsuhiro sighed and flicked his hand. "Go to the bathroom. Hurry up."

Souichi shook his head, gagging loudly in response. Why wouldn't this asshole help him get up and go to the damn toilet?

"Don't vomit on me!" Tetsuhiro barked and stepped back a little. "W-where do you need to go?" He said hesitantly, lips screwed tight. How was he supposed to know what to do with a person that was drunk like this? He had always known how to handle his alcohol and never drank too much.

"T-toilet… I need…"

The toilet was downstairs and down the right hall. He knew they wouldn't make it in time; Sandara would throw up on him on the way down the staircase. God dammit, if only this woman could learn how to control herself, they wouldn't be in this situation.

He sighed and placed his hands on his hips, looking around for places for Sandara to vomit. The potted plants on the concrete? No, that was defiling of public property. Over the railing? Over the railing…

"Here," Tetsuhiro grabbed Sandara's collar and yanked her body to the railing. "Vomit."

Ah, finally, a place where Souichi could empty his stomach. His fingers fumbled on the railing as his body lurched forward and his stomach clenched. The bile burned his throat and he gagged and coughed, regretting drinking so much alcohol. He knew he should've listened to Isogai, but he just couldn't help it. The taste was horrid; he had never vomited in his life before, not even from food poisoning or viruses. The nauseous feeling was incredibly strong, and it made him so dizzy he felt he would fall.

The smell was just as bad; Tetsuhiro's face contorted uncomfortably as he tried to hold back on emptying his own stomach. God, this woman was just disgusting from start to finish. She was rude, dirty, nosy, and everything he hated about people. He tried focusing on the cars moving down the highway in the distance to distract himself from the sound of Sandara's gagging. That alone was making him queasy, and she certainly didn't smell like a flower either.

Souichi's body crumpled to the floor once he was finished, and he sighed and ran his fingers through his tangled hair. "I feel better."

Tetsuhiro winced and retracted his hand gingerly, wiping it on his shirt with a disgusted face. He wanted a long, thorough shower once he got back to the dorms; one where he could spend an hour just cleaning his body.

"Are you done?" He asked with a grimace.

Souichi nodded. "Yeah."

Yamaguchi and Hiroto came bursting from the fire escape and ran over to Souichi. Yamaguchi sighed, seemingly relieved, and Hiroto's face was distorted with worry.

"Is everything alright?" Hiroto asked. "Sandara was missin' for a while."

"Oh," Yamaguchi pointed at Tetsuhiro. "You guys are together?"

"Shut it." Tetsuhiro growled, crossing his arms. "There's nothing between us. She had to intrude upon me standing out here for some fresh air and decided to vomit over the side of the building."

"Are ye feeling a bit better?" Hiroto asked, reaching down to pull Souichi up. The blonde clumsily got to his feet, his body still weak and his head still dizzy.

"Mm," Souichi nodded, "I feel a lot better now."

"H-hey," Yamaguchi cocked his head and curled his lips up in disgust, "You… you said you had to go to the bathroom… did you pee here? D-did you go to the bathroom up here?" Sandara giggled in response, causing Yamaguchi to cringe. Tetsuhiro was staring down at the top of a crown of blonde hair, scowling heatedly. Yamaguchi scratched his nape nervously and looked up at Hiroto. What had gone on up here?

Hiroto was curious as well, but asking Tetsuhiro what happened would only result in yelling. Finding a better option to avoid the subject, he smirked out of nowhere. "Ohya, all of the members are together at last."

Yamaguchi laughed awkwardly. "Yeah. Since we're all together, should we welcome her properly?"

"Why the hell should we do anything?" Tetsuhiro looked at them. "Do you not see what condition she is in?"

"Aw, come on Tetsuhiro! Don't be sour!"

Souichi made a noise that sounded like a whine mixed with a laugh. "Stop talking and get me some more alcohol."

"No." Tetsuhiro barked. "That's the_ last_ thing you need."

Souichi grumbled and stood up, stumbling feet carrying him over to the bench by the railing. He felt like he could fly, so why not try to?

"Hey… Sandara, where are you going?" Yamaguchi called out.

"Up your ass." He mumbled drunkenly.

"What are you doing?" Tetsuhiro asked monotonously. Hiroto and Yamaguchi whispered amongst themselves about what was going on. Why was Sandara suddenly so bubbly? Was it because she was drunk? Had Tetsuhiro done something?

_Don't tell me he… made a move on her…_

"Woah." Souichi's hands reached out to steady himself as he climbed on top of the bench, feet wobbly as they tried to gain balance. He was so close to the sky, so close to flying out into that gigantic, dark world out there. The lights on the horizon were gorgeous and sparkly, all of different shades of orange and pink. He wanted to be like them, wanted to be a gorgeous blinking light on the horizon. He would be free, free of these men, free of every problem in the world and he would be happy.

"Woah, she's really unique." Yamaguchi cocked his head. Hiroto laughed in response.

"I think it's about to get entertaining." Hiroto grinned.

His hands reached out as he tried to touch the dark sky. His fingers twitched as he pushed higher and higher, trying to get closer.

"Why bother to stick around?" Tetsuhiro narrowed his eyes, "Let her get herself killed. She deserves it."

"Tetsuhiro!" Yamaguchi smacked him in the chest, causing him to narrow his eyes. "Don't you dare say that about Sandara! She did nothing to you!"

"She's a nuisance."

"She's an innocent girl!"

The sky had never felt so big; was it really this enormous? "The sky is so big…" Souichi exclaimed, trying to push his hand higher. "I feel like I can really touch it."

Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at the sky; was it really that close?

Souichi wasn't satisfied with being this close to the ground, so he decided to take it up a notch and step into one of the bars of the railing. He could feel himself getting higher, and higher, and closer to the stars up in the sky, swimming among a sea of electric white dots that twinkled as he passed them-

Tetsuhiro noticed Sandara's body starting to sway; was she going to fall? Oh, that would just make his fucking day. That's all he really wanted was for her to get lost. She was the biggest nuisance he had ever met, and now being in a band wasn't fun at all. It wasn't his first choice of a career, either; he had used to want to be a physics professor. He had always been rather good at science, even in elementary school. He eventually got blinded from his real dreams when he fell in love, and when his first love broke his heart, he forgot all about studying physics.

"Oh…" Yamaguchi exclaimed, eyes widening as he saw Sandara's body wavering. "Is she gonna fall?"

Souichi couldn't feel his body. Why wasn't it listening to him? He had absolutely no feeling anywhere in his body, and he just felt an overwhelming sense of exhaustion. _Maa, how late was it? He was tired… was it almost bedtime? Miss Yuki hadn't come to tuck him in yet… could barely… keep… eyes open…_

"Oh…"

"Oh!"

Souichi felt his legs give out as his body turned, and just like a star, he fell.

He fell, but he didn't know when he stopped. His vision was hazy, and his head felt like it was in another dimension. He could feel in the pit of his stomach that he was falling, but where was he falling? Did he fall off of the building? Did he fall back onto the concrete of the rooftop?

"Sandara!"

He had noticed the other members rushing to his side, so maybe he didn't fall off of the building. What were they doing there? Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

He could hear church bells; was he back at the orphanage? Was he back with Mika and Kim and the Misses? Was he back cooking breakfast and cleaning the garden statues? He wanted to sleep; he wanted to crawl into his soft, brown bed and burrow under the cotton comforter and drift away into a peaceful sleep.

He didn't remember when he lost consciousness. He had been flying in the sky when the other members started yelling at him. He didn't remember what they were saying. Were they laughing at him? Were they flying with him? He couldn't remember what they were doing, but he did distinctly remember falling on top of somebody and his body emptying the last of itself. That was when he blacked out.

* * *

"Here, you grab his arm and carry him out to the van. I've already called Sandara's agent to bring the van around to the parking garage."

"Maa, she really did drink a lot, didn't she?"

"Hm. We gotta get her home."

"Alright, I've got him. You take her with you."

"Ugh… she's surprisingly heavy."

"What did she eat?"

"Eh, I'd say about… two gallons of alcohol?"

"Woah… she's gonna be feeling this in the morning."

Slinging Sandara's unconscious body over his shoulder, he supported her with his hand at her lower back. She really was a trouble maker, huh? He hadn't known until he had seen her on the rooftop. He didn't know how much she had to drink, and he knew that it had to be a lot to make her that loopy and giggly. Hell, it had to have been a lot to make her vomit on the roof. She really needed to learn to control herself in public if she wanted to be successful.

Isogai had been more than helpful when he called him and said that Sandara had passed out. The agent had advised them to take Sandara down to the parking garage and he would bring the TN Entertainment van around to get her. He also told the members not to take off any of her clothing if in case they were worried about her body temperature. They wondered why, but they didn't question it.

For being so thin and tall, he was surprised that Sandara was so heavy. If she was such a binge drinker, how did she keep herself so fit? He noticed that her body was rather hard as well. Female bodies were usually soft and squishy, so why was hers so hard? Holding onto her arms felt like squeezing another one of the member's arms. It was stiff and toned, albeit being a lot lankier, however just like theirs. Why was her entire body toned like this?

"Oh, look! There's the van!"

"Alright, let's get her in the back seat. Do you have him?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Still unconscious, but fine."

"Maa, they're gonna regret butting heads when they wake up."

"Oh, I don't think he'll necessarily be pleased when he finds out that he locked lips with Sandara."

"Well, I don't think she will be too happy either."

Isogai met them by the exit of the parking garage like he said he would. Noticing the members coming in the distance, he hurried to open both doors to the back seat and push the seat back as far as it would go.

"How did this happen?" He asked, rushing over to their side.

"Maa, Sandara got really drunk and vomited on the roof and passed out. But don't worry, she's fine otherwise. She said she felt better once she emptied her stomach."

Isogai looked at Souichi's unconscious body as well as the one of the other member. Ah, jeez. He hoped he wouldn't need to be involved in a filed lawsuit because of this.

"I told her not to drink a lot! Ah, Christ…"

He knew exactly why Souichi let this happen to himself. One, he had never drank liquor before because he believed it was a sin and he couldn't stop himself once he'd had a small taste; two, there was so much thick tension between him and the other members that he wanted to get drunk to alleviate the pressure; and three, he had never been put in such a boisterous atmosphere before.

But where did Souichi get extra alcohol from? Isogai only bought him one round of strong shots, and surely that couldn't make him that tipsy. The first round of shots was pretty weak; he had even bought himself three or four shots of soju and hadn't felt a thing. But after that, Souichi only had the sake shots and Isogai had left him alone. Had the girls given him extra alcohol? Ah, jeez… that was the last thing he needed. He knew Souichi would really be feeling it when he woke up.

"Alright, who do you want to put in first?"

"Let's put him in first; he takes up more room."

"Alright. Here, you hold the seat back."

Being careful as to not unnecessarily injure them, Isogai managed to maneuver both Souichi and the member into the back seat of the van. He had to push up the member's long legs and fold them to get them both to fit, but that was fine.

"Okay, one of you is going to have to ride in the back with them and make sure they don't fall, and the other can ride up front with me."

"What do we do with them when we get home?"

"Eh… one of you can pull out a futon or something in the living room and we'll put them on it. You don't mind having a sleepover in the living room, do you?"

"Nah~."

"Alright, climb in then. We gotta get these two home before they wake up and slice our throats."

* * *

**A/N And so comes the close of Part 1. **

**Each Part will be divided into four chapters, each of which I try to make somewhat equal in length.**

**This is all I will upload for now; gotta get Puppet and Boy In The Staircase rolling, but I wanted to finish Part 1 for you guys. **

_**Cliffhangerssssss.**_

**So please favorite and review c: it makes me feel good about my writing ;-;**

-Brittany


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